Monday, December 31, 2007

A list of questions- from Mike

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Traveled alone in a foreign country, spent New Years alone, got the master's bedroom.


2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I made some for the Jewish new years, do those count.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not really- a distant cousin or two...

4. Did anyone close to you die? Thankfully no.

5. What countries did you visit? Isreael, Jordan, Mexico.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A good relationship with a significant other.

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Running down to the western wall after going up on Temple Mount. Being honestly scared that I had disobeyed G-d. I think another one is realizing that Matt didn't want to be with me, and that I was in the exact same place that I was last year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting offered two new jobs.

9. What was your biggest failure? Hard to say (I stole this one from Mike)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yup- my thumb skiing, my ankle playing soccer, and LOTS of bruises.

11. What was the best thing you bought? New clothes, and awesome red high heels!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I'm not sure- celebration is a big investment.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Mine- I led myself down the exact same road- way to learn from your mistakes.

14. Where did most of your money go? Rent- easily. Then entertainment

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The Magic Castle, Job offers, and Dicken's Dinner.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Our Song.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? At this moment happier, this time last year I was really sad.
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner- but hope full for more.
iii. richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Seeing museums, dating, having sex.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Crying, having expectations, and supporting my own unhappiness.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? The first one I spent eating Christmas dinner- but I still had my chinese the night before.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? I was in love, erroneously.

22. How many one-night stands? with sex- none. sleepovers, a few.

23. What was your favorite TV program? Eureka, Brothers and Sisters.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No.

25. What was the best book you read? Hard question- Rabbi Artson's new interpretations of the Torah.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Jazz in general- I could have listened to it all night last night.

27. What did you want and get? A mixer- a cupcake cookbook!

28. What did you want and not get? Stability, a boyfriend, a trip to New York.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? Lemony Snicket (is that this year?) Je Te Paris Ame.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I forced people to come out with me for Italian, good times :-)

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Belief in my own happiness, and ability to get over the things I know aren't right for me.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Trying to be more fashion conscious- higher heels, better fits, and more fashion forward.

33. What kept you sane? Not sure- hating my job?

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Not sure- they are all so weird.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? The fence on the border of Mexico, and thoughts about how or if illegal immigrants should get social security.

36. Who did you miss? Caitlin, Shannon, Rustin, and Hallie.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Courtney Klienman, I guess technically I met her in 2006, but we became good friends this year. Follow that up with Tamar, Adi and Itay from Israel, and Aaron and Dave from Kickball. Wow- I guess I met a LOT of new people.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. You control your own reactions to things- if that's the only thing that you control, at least it's something.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. That's hard: "I make a smile so he won't see, that I can't even breathe, or do anything when he's near me." "This is for all you girls about 24, in little apartments, just trying to get by."

Happy New Year!

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Sorry it's been to long-

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Sorry I haven't written in a long time, but I've been busy being bored.

I've watched more TV over this vacation than I have ever before.

I've spent money like it's going out of style (for reference, I don't think it does).

I've gone home, just for dinner.

I've been to the Magic castle, and I totally killed in my amazing red dress.

I've talked to many friends I haven't spoken to in a long time.

I haven't called my Ex. I've texted stupidly, but it's an improvement.

I've gotten sick twice.

I had several weird dreams, one about work, one about family, and one oddly erotic.


What about your vacation?


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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Christmas Dinner

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

was amazing. I had such a good time. All the people, the warm thoughts. They did this Polish thing, called Powalski (sp). You went up to everyone and did 3 wishes for the new year. It was so cute and sweet. Randy's sister said that she hoped Randy and I would stay friends forever because the rest of her family really likes me. What a nice thing to say to me. I felt so wanted, and loved.

There was happiness and smiles in the air, everywhere.

SO- a merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!


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Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas holidays

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Since I've been on my own, my own apartment and everything, the holidays have become somewhat anti-climatic. It's not like in college where I got to go home and sitting on my ass was totally acceptable and nice.

Now having all of this time off seems annoying. I worked all 8 days during Hanukkah, and now I get all this free time. But I don't have anything to do.

I thought I was going to a movie today. Oh well.


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Thursday, December 20, 2007

My first tree decorating, soon to be followed by my first X-mas dinner

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Last night my great friend Randy came home to CA. The two of us have a very interesting and funny relationship, a little of this, a little of that, and a lot of respect and caring. We went and saw I am Legend, which was reasonably decent, and then we went back to his house just in time to decorate the tree.

I have never decorated a live tree before. I never imagined how the whole experience could be so interesting, and with so many traditions.

There were the lights, which half of about 10 strings weren't working, all of the ribbon and the ornaments. More giggling than I've heard in a month, and a fake tree in the family room- with a REMOTE CONTROL! I totally fell in love.

Somewhere during the decorating Randy's mom (a woman after my own heart) started talking about Christmas dinner plans. She spoke about it in such details, and eventually I realized that she was under the impression that I had already accepted an invitation.

I can't say I'm not excited- because I am. I don't really care if it's Ham dinner with bacon on the side. I'm totally thrilled to be invited. What should I wear???


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Wednesday, December 19, 2007

The conversation I thought would never come...and the outcome I'm eh about.

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I finally had that- what the hell is happening with work conversation. I'm pleased to say that it happened. I'm disappointed to say that it didn't have the outcomes that I wanted.

Namely I'm not thrilled with who my new boss is, and I'm not okay with being told I don't get a pay raise...grrr...

We looked at some interesting options, and they presented me with some interesting tidbits. Most upsettingly, that I am not a 'people' person. I honestly thought that I was a 'people' person. Perhaps things will get better (they told me that they had in the last few months). Maybe because I feel better in my role, or because my role is so undefined...who knows.

My therapist, however, said that she thinks my attitudes are doing very well- that I have a very healthy idea about my relationships and all of the things I'm involved with.

So, here's to some chips up in the air, and hopefully some will fall to the ground again. YEAH!


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Monday, December 17, 2007

I can do it, I can do it, I can do- I'm the little engine that could.

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Choo choo! Yes, that's right. I am reaching into my past and pulling out the little engine that could to make me feel better. At the end of the day, I will survive, and the sun will come out tomorrow.

Friendships are hard. I think my friends fall into three categories- those who I think are EXTREMELY important but I don't really speak to or see; those who I think are EXTREMELY important but whom I cannot help but annoy the crap out of; and those who are borderline acquantences, but we're hoping. Why is that?

Which category do you think you should be in? Am I missing one? Or am I really just stupid to think that it's this simple.

I'm trying really hard to not piss people off. I think the best way to do this is to try not to cry, and not to be to invested. Yup- no tears, and no investment. This all gets back to the whole expectations things.

On a totally other note: everyone things that I'm working right now. I'm a little annoyed to be sitting here in the BMH office listening to classical music. What's that about? But, I didn't want to be in my office alone, and I don't have a computer because my laptop is really crazy. But at least in my own office, I would have my crazy country music on my radio paradise...grrr....

When do you know if you are going a little crazy? I started seeing a therapist, but does that mean I'm crazy?

Eh, I think that I shouldn't think to hard, I should just relax and eat some more chocolate covered raisins.

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Sunday, December 16, 2007

A long, but succccessful Superbowl, and a less than successful party....

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

So the superbowl of Thornton went well...actually it went very well. It was the most successful event yet, and, most importantly it was the first time in 6 years that the clean-up of the event was over before midnight.

I was exhausted, and so utterly overwhelmed by the whole experience. At the end of the day, it went off almost without a hitch.

Then, I went to the Korean spa. Truly one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I got a total scrub down, I didn't know that you could take off that much dead skin. Then I got in my car to head down to matt's party.

It was a good party. A little odd, and honestly there were A LOT of awkward moments I could have done without. I left upset, but I think I've finally understood that it's not going to happen.

I guess that watching the man I love pour his attention onto another woman will do that to you...

But seriously- if one more person tells me that he loves me, someone might die.


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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Tired, again....

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Today was a long day. It started with an interview at the Academy of Country Music, and is ending now with me finally checking my e-mail since 11am. I have been literally running around all day- and I just can't keep all the details straight in my head.

I used to be so good at having all the thoughts I needed in my head- all at once, organized and neatly stacked away....what happened?

I'm tired.
I'm going to dye my hair red again on Thursday.
I want a massage.
I want to know what, exactly, is happening with my job and my department.
I need a glass of wine, or three.
I need a nice hot shower.

Happy Hanukkah! It's the 8th night!

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Monday, December 10, 2007

Another Monday

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Another Monday, but a different Monday.
A Monday without a boss, with only crickets for company.
A Monday of papers and stress, of trials and tests.
Another Monday, but a hopeful Monday.

My big "Superbowl" event is in 4 days and counting. I'm excited, but there are so many possibilities for things to go wrong. One can only hope that they don't.

As for me- I hope that there are sugar cookies in my future...


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Sunday, December 9, 2007

It was nice...even better than I thought it could be.

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Yesterday was a nice day. It was nice to end it sitting on the couch with you, some sexual tension in the air, but mostly just nice conversation and a good connection. I was a little shocked by the contentedness I felt with the whole experience, and the warmth I got by watching you squirm just a little bit.

The dreidle, the gingerbread men, the look in your eyes... I saw a bit of pain, and I can only hope that I didn't cause it. You worry a lot about how I'm doing, but what about you...you needed the comfort of a friend, the comfort of holding another human being.

This morning I knew that it was better you left- I regretted not telling you to leave anyways, since I'm pretty positive that had you turn around it only would have ruined what was a nice night.

You said maybe in another month- we'll see if it's even a thought by that point...

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Saturday, December 8, 2007

Family Holidays

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Last night my family got together for Hannukah celebrations. It was actually a really nice time, hanging out, eating dinner, and everyone loved my pie.

I'm always turned inside out by gift giving. I thought that I did really well this year, but at the end of the morning today, I didn't turn out to have done as good as I thought I did. It turned out that my dad was not only disappointed with my gift, he thought he didn't have any use for it whatsoever.

It's not that I'm upset that he didn't like it, I'd rather that if he didn't like it that he told me- but I am upset that I spent so much time trying to figure out what I could give him, and I was totally wrong. Then to add insult to injury he asked me to return it for me. Great....

As for the gifts I got- the new GPS is totally ROCKING! Turn by turn directions, with street names. It's not the same as my Garmin, and probably not as good, but it's sleek and small and I love that.

All in all, a good weekend. I wish that I wasn't to tired to go to the party, and I wish that I knew where he was tonight...but everything can't be perfect....

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Friday, December 7, 2007

Sonnet day

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Roses have thorns, and silver fountains mud;
Clouds and eclipses stain both moon and sun,
And loathsome canker lives in sweetest bud.
All men make faults.

-Sonnet 35, william shakespeare

No one is perfect.

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Thursday, December 6, 2007

Busy Busy Bee

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

An apology for not writing yesterday- I've been writing so many papers that I completely forgot to write here. So, here is my "these things annoy me" ellipses

People who drive on the freeway and pass someone else only to slow down and be really stupid....waiters who bring you the wrong food, then still press for a good tip....bloggers who never update- I would save so much time if I could just find out who's updated without going to each of their pages individually....parents, just in general....cloudy, depressing- but I'm not going to rain on you- days....the endless christmas carols on my radio stations.

Here is my "things that make me happy" ellipses:

The memories of my first date with Matt while wondering around the grocery store- I loved those shirley temples....the flirting with the cute mysterious man on the motocycle last night....waking up without the sound of the minuet in G this morning....the glow of the hanukkah candles in the dark when I went to bed last night....wrapping presents, even though I may not be so great at it- I try....getting voice messages- I got quite a few yesterday....the hanukkah menorah in Ralphs, that made the christmas tunes bareable.

How about you? What are a few things that have annoyed you versus things that make you happy lately?

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Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Misinformation- people who are not what you expect them to be

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Coming up next week is the 'Superbowl' of my office- the big gigantic fundraiser that we do once a year. I keep being reminded about the feelings I went into this event with last year, and how nothing was what I thought it would be. How I expected to dislike someone, but now I find that they are close to my heart. How I expected to dislike the event, but I'm actually excited about it.

Isn't wonderful when you find something you weren't looking for. When your world seems to be headed in such a specific direction, then something changes just as suddenly and things are totally happy. I hope that these types of experiences can happen to everyone, and that they continue to happen to me.

I've made myself an appointment at the Olympic Spa in Koreatown. It's on the 15th right after my Superbowl event. I literally plan on going straight from the hotel where the event is to the Spa...

From the spa to a party- from the party to drinking, from the drinking to drunk, from drunk to sleeping. From sleeping to Sunday and from Sunday to relaxed. I have faith.


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Monday, December 3, 2007

Has anyone been having problems with my Header?

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me


Whenever I go on my blog, it seems that my header is messed up... is it just me?

Also, I'm illegitimately using this post to move some of the starting points for my labels around. I just didn't like where some of them started people...

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Are we headed for the destruction of the US as a world power?

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Anyone who knows me knows that just the title of this little blog post is quite out of character. I will be the first to admit that 90% of the time I just don't care about politics, the world-scene, etc. Okay, it's not that I don't **care** it's that I don't care as much as I think I should.

I was driving into work today and I couldn't help but think about the opening scene of Children of Men. The destruction of the entirety of civilization, where people live in fear and the nice 'society' that we've created doesn't actually exist. The end of the human race, and all we can do about it is kill each other.

There has been so much talk about Global warming. I'm not about to say that I don't believe in global warming, because I do, I just don't know if I believe that we are the only cause. This fear of global warming, and idea of a second great depression in the US with oil prices becoming fixed to something other than the dollar, the impending doom of America because of Facebook and MySpace and the fact that the youth of America would rather play a video game than baseball.

Perhaps these things are far beyond my viewpoint, and where I should be looking at things, but I guess I'm just saying that I'm worried.

I'm worried about the trees for my children
I'm worried about the World War III and all the bombs that can go off
I'm worried about America never regaining it's 'good guy' status
I'm worried about the proliferation of hate and violence throughout society
I'm worried that there is nothing I can do about it




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