Before the engagement wedding planning

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

How much wedding planning do you think you can do before the official engagement? Is it really practical or a good idea to look at venues before your engaged?

Do your opinions change when I tell you it's the couple looking at spaces and listening to potential bands?

What if it's just the girl and her mom? What does that change?

I'm asking because I sort of feel weird about having discussions about my wedding when I'm not engaged, and yet I seem to have them all the time.

Are there other discussions like this? Somehow it's appropriate to talk about a mutual desire for children as early as the 5th date, but talking about what you'll name those kids... not appropriate until a few months before you decide to start trying. What are these invisible lines of social etiquette that we all have? How do we know what is appropriate, and what's not?

I've just finished a really interesting book called 'Live through this'. It's about a women who's two daughters run away at 12 and 14 and how she goes through the next 3 years of her life trying to find them/function/deal. It's this really interesting story in so many ways. Looking at the decline of her girls, how they went from normal 10 year olds to grungy street kids. How the 'system' is designed to help her children stay away, despite her good parenting and attempts to bring her girls home. How she deals with the two other girls she has, and trying to create a sense of normalcy for them when the other two are in and out of the house.

While I've been reading that, I've also started in on M@'s favorite book, 'Two years before the mast'. While it's been good, it's also very clunky, and I'm not just talking about the two 400 page hardback books I've actually been carrying around. He says it basically changed his life. That it influenced him so much when he was growing up. I just don't really see it. Interesting, sure, infuencing, not so much.

I just started into a book called 'Supergirls.' I didn't realize it was written by a 19 year old when I picked it up, but so far it's been annoying. I thought it was a collection of essays and thoughts by various industrious women. Really it's a look at the feminine ideal and today's media culture inspiring a generation of impossibly perfect yet ultimately f*ed up girls. Eh...

Someone at the office mentioned that layoff's might be imminent. Not really sure what to think about that. I really love it here, and it would suck to loose my job. At the same time, worrying about a layoff certainly isn't going to help me get better at my job or keep it any longer. I guess we'll just have to wait and see...


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Making Choices...or trying to...

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

6. Make choices. Today’s twenty-something has an upscale problem: an abundance of choices which often leads to making no choice at all. If decision making is a weak skill, find ways to build your decision making muscle. Resist the urge to call your friends and parents when faced with a decision. Make little choices each day on your own, without consulting anyone else (unless of course your choice directly affects another or others).

I've stolen this from the 'Frisky site' here. I'm not exactly sure, but this statement really makes sense for my twenty-something existence right now.

We all know I just got back from Alaska, and yes, I will talk about it, but right now I wanted to talk about this interesting conundrum I have. Making choices. Anyone who's gone out to eat with me, gone shopping with me, or hung around with me knows that I am terrible at making 'mundane' decisions. Give me a big decision (which college to go to, which job to take) and I'm good, but ask me what I want for dinner at the cheesecake factory and I'm like a wax stature, stuck in indecision.

What's bringing this up right now? Well over the Alaska trip there were several times when I just couldn't make a decision. There were menus with 17 or more items on them, and that was just the entrees. There were streets and streets and towns and towns filled with tourist shops. Trying to figure out which t-shirt to buy was just so overwhelming. I'm happy to say that I did make a decision, but not happy to say that Matt's sister Katelin got to witness my inability to make a decision.

Why is it that I can't decide which socks to buy, but between three job offers I know what's right? Why is it that almost every time I go shopping I will inevitably return about 1/3 of the items I buy? Is this a problem?

I have often debated the 'problem' that today's youth have, the overabundance of options and choices. When our parents went to work, they had one job, maybe two or three their whole lives. My current boss was just rewarded for 20 years at the same company! I've already worked for four different companies, and no, it's not the type of work that makes me move around so much.

When my grandfather decided to work, he chose a job, and then he planned to have that job for basically the rest of his life. If not that exact job, then certainly the same company and the same industry. My father was basically the same. He flitted around a little bit right after the military, then again after college, but ultimately he chose a career and then he stuck to it. Both of these people didn't have that many options. My father never thought to himself, 'hmm... I have a photographic degree, but maybe I want to become and airline pilot.' My mother was a teacher. She never thought to herself 'maybe I want to be a rock climbing instructor, or a dental x-ray technician. Forget about the degree and the work I've already put in, I want to do something else.'

Now, it's almost impossible to think about something you can't do. I was watching NCIS last night and I actually started to fill out an application for the Mossad. Do I speak Hebrew? No. Do I want to move to Israel right now? No. Do I really want to be part of a covert operations unit? No. But I have this overwhelming opinion that if I wanted to, I could. That nothing is off the table for me.

My dad used to say that all the time... that I could be anything I wanted to be. What do you think?


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Tricky times, personal and otherwise

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I'm not really sure where to start. I have a LOT to say about myself, about what happened this weekend, about politics and my thoughts on the war. Where to start...

Most importantly, I think, is the hurt I happened to spread this weekend. I forced people who haven't spoken to me in a long time to rekindle emotions and thoughts about our relationships. I forced myself to take a long, hard and depressing look into my life and the relationships I've forged. Why, you might ask... because I had to. Because someone, a brilliant someone who can see deeper into my soul and my person than I ever thought possible/would ever be possible for me to do myself, brought to my attention that 1+2 did not =3 in my case...

I tore through my past, through the pain I have felt and the pain I have caused others, and came out on the other end with a very painful solution. A thought that I wasn't going to share, yet again, felt compelled to share. And not only did it not provide anything positive for the other person, it was mean and unkind and horrible. I wish that I could have seen through my pain, and into the pain I would have been causing. It's just so incredible, to understand how clearly someone can see right through me. And how my thoughts could be so muffled, and how I couldn't understand my own process. And how I have ended up back in the same corner I was last time... having brought someone down a scary path, and lost them along the way.

This isn't about them, it's about me... but I'm dreadfully sorry.

Additionally, I was just mean this weekend. A friend was sick and couldn't hang out with me, and I was angry at them. I'm not exactly sure why... but I was. I called up to apologize later, but there wasn't any reason for me to be rude. I just can't seem to figure out where I should be these days.

I think I need to take some time out. Try to limit myself to activities for myself, and around myself...

I watched Stop-loss this weekend. If you haven't seen this movie, you should. Especially if you are actively involved in thinking about how the war is affecting America. I won't give it away, but I loved the way she used live film footage, took action shots and really made me feel like I was there. She didn't ignore the sad moments, but at the same time, she didn't ignore the honor and the desire of the soldiers.

I think the war is a horrible thing, but I also think that it's exceptionally complicated. It's so multi-faceted that it can't easily be explained by either side, without some sort of ignorance or pushing of an agenda. The movie seemed to be fairly unbiased. It presented the horrors of Stop-Loss and the horrors of being a soldier; but at the same time, it seemed to be impressively able to explore and develop real people in these situations.

I wish that I was more politically minded, and I know that those of you who are will be saddened by my process, but I support my country and for me, that support means supporting the soldiers in the war.

I also went to the Art Walk at the Brewery this weekend. I bought a really cute piece, a little expensive, but I was quite smitten by it. It was a great time, with a great date.

I spent an obseen amount of money at Macy's. My way of getting out my horrible emotions for the weekend. SO much for saving for a trip.




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Money Money Money Money....Money

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Money Money Money Money.... Money.

It's funny how much money affects our lives. And how often we think about it, talk about it, and consider it when making plans and decisions.

I am a person, and those of you who know me can agree, who epitomizes the idea of the 'cheap' jew. I save money like it is going out of style. At my new job I have divided my pay check three ways, into two different savings accounts. I am a person who knows how much money she has, and strives to keep a balance of $ in and $ out.

There are other people, like my sister. She has no real concept of savings. She can overdraw her account on $1.35 cup of coffee. Interestingly enough, she also spends money like there is no tomorrow. She's trying to plan for her wedding, and yet spending thousands on yoga. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I don't know that it's the best in terms of 'fiscal policy.'

It occured to me today, again, that not everyone has a storage of $ the way that I do. That there are some who work hard, and live (in essence) paycheck to paycheck.

Why is $ such an important part of relationships. When people are intimate, why is $ a problem? Does it matter who pays for what? Making dinner can be just as expensive as a movie for two... Should how much $ a man or woman has affect your decision to marry them? What about their ability to make $?

Why do people think that they need to be so far along their 'life path' before they can commit to something, or someone...

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Long time no talk

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

This week is a hectic one. Not because of any one thing in particular, but mostly because it's the end of something, and I just can't WAIT for it to be over.

It's totally amazing to me how once I said I was leaving people become so mean. And so picky about stupid bureaucratic ideas. Like sick leave. If I call in sick, I'm not sure how I can qualify that as anything less but being sick... I have tried very hard to adjust to how they want things done. I just can't get over all the petty secrecy and the lack of open and honest communication. Is all business like this? It's far worse than the idea of 'need to know' it's just ANNOYING!

I went to yoga yesterday. And I hurt a lot today. I think that I might start going once a week. I've decided that my gym membership isn't very helpful. If I don't sacrifice anything (read cash) then I don't have any motivation to go to the gym... Also the hours of the classes don't line up anymore. Being at work by 9 isn't an option with an 8:30am class. So I found this all-ladies gym. I'll have to see how that works out...and how expensive it is.

I'm trying to simplify my life. I've been debating VERY HEAVILY about cancelling my cable. Do I really need my TV? Then I think back to the weekly viewing festivals I've had with friends. Top Chef and Eureka with Matt, Project Runway nights. I like those events.

The whole of my being is very aggravated right now. I'm even sick....


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Things I've always wanted to try.

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

1. A tasting menu experience. Watching Top Chef obsessively has definitely created more of a desire to have and eat good food. I'm so jealous of David, and the experience he had.

2. Cooking classes. Again, food is one of those brilliant things that really affects your life. I would love to take one of these classes. They aren't to expensive, and they are just the right amount of time. Anyone up for a class?

3. Sky diving. I think that jumping out of a plane and feeling the wind gush and rush around your body- enveloping you in what you've always thought was nothing.... amazing.

4. Naked photographs. Hopefully this will become a reality in February. I just think that boudoir photos are so fantastic. I love my body, and I think taken from an artistic perspective, it will be spectacular to hang them in my apartment.

5. Weekend getaways. You know those moments that all those people have- where there friends call up and they decide on an impromptu trip to Vegas or Sonoma or where ever. I need more of that happiness in my life.

6. Meet the President. I don't really have a desire to 'meet Bush.' I just want to meet the President of the United States of America. More than just a handshake, I want an introduction.

7. Climb a mountain. I want to have that satisfaction that comes with standing at the top of a mountain and looking down. The sleep that comes with hitting the sack the night after you summit...yumm...

8. A lunch-time tryst. In my office. I think that this is so glamorous. Just having 'afternoon delight' in a semi-public place. In that space where no one should be naked -let alone having sex.

9. A fight. I've never been in one, and though I have seen several I really want to get into one. No, I'm not talking about a girl fight. I want an honest to goodness kicking, punching biting type of fight. Maybe in a bar- with beer bottles.

10. Start a movement of some kind. I think there are a lot of movements. The Post-Secret community is a type of movement. So are those guys who wrote those weird- do this odd thing today books. I want to impact a large group of people.

What are some things that you've always wanted to try?


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New Year at work...hmm....

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

It's back to the grindstone here at USC. I'm honestly shocked by how little desire I had to get out of bed this morning. I shouldn't be that surprised, isn't it every one's dream to wake up to go and sit in an empty basement office alone?

Everyone keeps asking about my New Year's resolutions, but honestly, I don't have any. Is this an odd, or bad thing?

I'm changing things, but these were things that were in the works regardless. The whole exercise thing- it's something that was happening anyways. The decorating and cleaning- that's a process that happens about every three months anyways. hmm...

Well-I should get back to work. I'm wondering a few things though:

1. Do you do New Year's Resolutions?
2. Are any of them health related?
3. Did you make them last year?
4. Are you at work today?
5. Milk and cookies or pretzels and beer?

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A list of questions- from Mike

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before? Traveled alone in a foreign country, spent New Years alone, got the master's bedroom.


2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I made some for the Jewish new years, do those count.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Not really- a distant cousin or two...

4. Did anyone close to you die? Thankfully no.

5. What countries did you visit? Isreael, Jordan, Mexico.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? A good relationship with a significant other.

7. What date from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Running down to the western wall after going up on Temple Mount. Being honestly scared that I had disobeyed G-d. I think another one is realizing that Matt didn't want to be with me, and that I was in the exact same place that I was last year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting offered two new jobs.

9. What was your biggest failure? Hard to say (I stole this one from Mike)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yup- my thumb skiing, my ankle playing soccer, and LOTS of bruises.

11. What was the best thing you bought? New clothes, and awesome red high heels!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? I'm not sure- celebration is a big investment.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Mine- I led myself down the exact same road- way to learn from your mistakes.

14. Where did most of your money go? Rent- easily. Then entertainment

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? The Magic Castle, Job offers, and Dicken's Dinner.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007? Our Song.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? At this moment happier, this time last year I was really sad.
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner- but hope full for more.
iii. richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Seeing museums, dating, having sex.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Crying, having expectations, and supporting my own unhappiness.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? The first one I spent eating Christmas dinner- but I still had my chinese the night before.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007? I was in love, erroneously.

22. How many one-night stands? with sex- none. sleepovers, a few.

23. What was your favorite TV program? Eureka, Brothers and Sisters.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No.

25. What was the best book you read? Hard question- Rabbi Artson's new interpretations of the Torah.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? Jazz in general- I could have listened to it all night last night.

27. What did you want and get? A mixer- a cupcake cookbook!

28. What did you want and not get? Stability, a boyfriend, a trip to New York.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? Lemony Snicket (is that this year?) Je Te Paris Ame.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I forced people to come out with me for Italian, good times :-)

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Belief in my own happiness, and ability to get over the things I know aren't right for me.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007? Trying to be more fashion conscious- higher heels, better fits, and more fashion forward.

33. What kept you sane? Not sure- hating my job?

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Not sure- they are all so weird.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? The fence on the border of Mexico, and thoughts about how or if illegal immigrants should get social security.

36. Who did you miss? Caitlin, Shannon, Rustin, and Hallie.

37. Who was the best new person you met? Courtney Klienman, I guess technically I met her in 2006, but we became good friends this year. Follow that up with Tamar, Adi and Itay from Israel, and Aaron and Dave from Kickball. Wow- I guess I met a LOT of new people.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. You control your own reactions to things- if that's the only thing that you control, at least it's something.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. That's hard: "I make a smile so he won't see, that I can't even breathe, or do anything when he's near me." "This is for all you girls about 24, in little apartments, just trying to get by."

Happy New Year!

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Sorry it's been to long-

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Sorry I haven't written in a long time, but I've been busy being bored.

I've watched more TV over this vacation than I have ever before.

I've spent money like it's going out of style (for reference, I don't think it does).

I've gone home, just for dinner.

I've been to the Magic castle, and I totally killed in my amazing red dress.

I've talked to many friends I haven't spoken to in a long time.

I haven't called my Ex. I've texted stupidly, but it's an improvement.

I've gotten sick twice.

I had several weird dreams, one about work, one about family, and one oddly erotic.


What about your vacation?


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I can do it, I can do it, I can do- I'm the little engine that could.

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Choo choo! Yes, that's right. I am reaching into my past and pulling out the little engine that could to make me feel better. At the end of the day, I will survive, and the sun will come out tomorrow.

Friendships are hard. I think my friends fall into three categories- those who I think are EXTREMELY important but I don't really speak to or see; those who I think are EXTREMELY important but whom I cannot help but annoy the crap out of; and those who are borderline acquantences, but we're hoping. Why is that?

Which category do you think you should be in? Am I missing one? Or am I really just stupid to think that it's this simple.

I'm trying really hard to not piss people off. I think the best way to do this is to try not to cry, and not to be to invested. Yup- no tears, and no investment. This all gets back to the whole expectations things.

On a totally other note: everyone things that I'm working right now. I'm a little annoyed to be sitting here in the BMH office listening to classical music. What's that about? But, I didn't want to be in my office alone, and I don't have a computer because my laptop is really crazy. But at least in my own office, I would have my crazy country music on my radio paradise...grrr....

When do you know if you are going a little crazy? I started seeing a therapist, but does that mean I'm crazy?

Eh, I think that I shouldn't think to hard, I should just relax and eat some more chocolate covered raisins.

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Has anyone been having problems with my Header?

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me


Whenever I go on my blog, it seems that my header is messed up... is it just me?

Also, I'm illegitimately using this post to move some of the starting points for my labels around. I just didn't like where some of them started people...

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Shabbat Shalom- things I love

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Things YOU Love:

Song you love: Right now, This is for all you Girls

Food you love: Soup- it's cold out

Thing you love to look at: New painting I bought in Israel on my wall. My ceiling when I'm in bed.

Sound you love: Rain when I wake up.

Thing you love to laugh at: Meg Fowler

Gadget you love: My remote control for my tv and stereo

Person you love: Myself- is that odd....

Software you love: Photoshop

Word you love: Onamonapeia (sp?)

Thing you love on the internet: These games: World and US

Place you love to go on vacation: Right now I really want to go to New York, but I think that I'll vote for Israel, because I think I could go there every year for the rest of my life and still love it.

Sensation you love: Stretching in the AM.

Animal you love: I want to buy a cat- but I LOVE black bears.

Book you love: My journal. For others, The Giver

Emotion you love: Calmness

Occasion you love: Housewarming parties.

Quality you love in people: Beingthereness. no, that's not really a word.

Thing you most love to shop for: underwear, socks, pj's.

And finally…

What you love about today: That it was raining when I woke up.

You?

FROM: MEG

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A lazy day, but a good one

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I had such a great night last night. I went with my friend to the Magic Castle. It's an exclusive magician's club in downtown LA. He took me with his whole family. We had a great dinner and an entertaining seance about Houdini. I saw three different magic shows, ate and drank my fill. It was spectacular, and I got to dress up. Thanks Rands!

Today I was exhausted from the late night out. Unfortunately Thanksgiving brought more than just turkey- it brought drama. It was a long weekend, with a lot of driving as well. So I took today to clean-up, wind down, and gear up for the next week or so of craziness. From now until the 16th things are quite crazy.

I dyed my hair tonight. I was quite nervous, but I'm happy to say that it turned out a nice shade of reddish brown. Just changing a little with the autumn season.

On a totally other note, any suggestions about who to help a family get along through wedding crises? It turns out, finally, that the grooms parents are not planning on contributing any money. Unfortunately for my sister the money my parents were going to give really isn't enough to cover the type of wedding fantasy my sister had. Lots of fights, lots of anxiety, and I'm just not sure that I can handle all of the pressure and conversation. I love them all, I really do, but I just don't think that I can take another year.5 of this crap. Any thoughts?

I miss my best friend. I will be strong and I will overcome. Here's to a successful adventure!

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Twelve what?

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

1- number of cups of coffee I've ever had
2- pairs of sunglasses I keep in my purse, never having bought a single pair
3- glasses of tea on an average day
4- number of emergency room visits in an average year.
5- children I would like to have running through my house eventually.
6- the size of the holder 12 sailboat I learned to sail with.
7- number of toes I've broken.
8- gifts I try to give to friends of mine.
9- number of GRE practice tests I've thought about.
10- plus 5: amount of time I spend in the shower on an average morning.
11- times I've been on crutches with 2 broken bones and 9 sprained ankles.
12- winter coats in my socal closet.

What about your twelve?





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What's the meaning of life- and where does the red wine come in?

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, red wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOO HOO!!! What a ride!

Is this true? Is this really what I should be doing? Am I headed down this path....?

I've been thinking a lot about my future, where I want to be, and when I want to be there. I have to admit that I'm a little less than thrilled about the current 'waiting game'. Of course, a better person would say that all of these moments, this so called waiting, is really a part of the magical experience that is living. I'm not sure where I stand.

I want to get married. I want to start having children. I want to explore new places, new things, and to figure out what I like and what I don't.

When I told my mother that I was headed to Cambodia she told me that she could just shoot me with a gun if I wanted to die. I don't think that I have a death wish. In fact, I think I have a healthy curiosity. Of course, the truth that someone could walk in my door and say 'do you want to go to Timbuktwoo' I'd say when, and for how much? I just want to explore. To connect to new things. I think I sort of feel that as long as I'm not bogged down in the everyday, I won't mind that I feel like my life is not on the track that I want it to be.

I've been thinking a lot about my relationships. The ones I value, and trying to determine where these relationships should go. This includes friendships, intimate relationships and family connections. I'm at a point where I want to stop caring about people, if they don't seem to be caring for me. Where I can no longer give of my self, my heart, and my soul to those I'm intimate with, without something concrete in return. Where I need to feel nothing but generous support from those I'm related to and cannot leave.

I'm trying to hold back from forcing my hand... but the more I sit, the more I believe that that's truly what I need to do...

After all, if I want to skid in sideways screaming what a ride I probably ought to start now.

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Halloween Review

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

So this Halloween I went to the costume Carnaval in West Hollywood. It was an interesting experience. honestly, it's sort of weird. It's just a long street where people walk up and down to see people dressed up crazy. Good to go at least once, but I wouldn't go again unless I was someone to look at...

highlights include:
1. Not to many cheerleaders. That made me happy.
2. Crazy cross-dressing women/men. Who's surprised?
3. Cool Flinstones car. There were 4 people walking the car...it rocked!
4. A great burrito, with wonderful seats to watch the crazies.
5. Listening to the HANSENS play Um Bop..while twirling my hair. I love acting 12.

On a totally other note, now for those of you who want G- rated material, read no further....but how does one go about creating a 3 person party? You get what I'm asking...right? I've had one before, but the circumstance was with me and a guy's gf. He was sort of cheating on her with me... I don't want the guy I want involved cheating on me with another girl.

I've been thinking a lot about it. Thanks roommate, for the sex-novels....


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Holistic Healing

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I bought this really great book a few months ago. It's called Mind, Body, Spirit. When I first bought it I started reading and was quite interested in the ideas presented. I thought that they were a little far-fetched, and though I considered some of them, I didn't really implement any of them.

I've been having problems with my back, sleeping, and with digestion (read burping). I was feeling particularly annoyed at the state of my health yesterday after trying to arrange for PT for my ankle when I remembered this book.

It goes through lots of alternative, holistic therapies that are designed to provide treatment for a wide-range of illnesses. There are over 80 therapies mentioned, as well as ideas about prayer, eating, and alternative approaches to life such as ayurveda and chinese medicine. The more I read this book and think about it's ideas, the more I want to try it's suggestions.

So, here are some of the commitments I am going to try to make:

1. No more than 8 hours of sleep per night. Right now I'm getting about 10+ and I think that's attributing to my back pain. With this I hope to go to bed a little earlier and rise earlier as well.

2. Eating my lunch/dinner on real dishes. This is going to be a tricky one, but I think I might spend more time relaxed if I try to make this dedication.

3. Cooking from fresh ingredients. This is a very complicated endeavor. I can't imagine that I'm going to be able to get rid of all of my frezzer goods, etc. but I think that maybe I can try to add at least one fresh ingredient to each meal. Perhaps I should get back on my organic food delivery...

4. More fruits and vegetables. Again, I don't think I will achieve it all in one day, but I really should be intaking about 5-7 fruit/veggies a day. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

5. 45 minutes per day of walking. This is meant to put excercise in my life in a real and actual way. In my ideal world I would be getting up a little earlier around 8am and then going to bed a little earlier, around midnight

6. Homeopathic remidies. I have had some experience with these remedies, and I think that they can be really helpful. Included in these are arnica, chamomile, etc.

7. Essential Oils. Again, some experience and everything I have had was great.

8. 10 minutes about 3 times a day of internal reflection. This could be praying, meditation, humming, deep breathing... etc. It's a lofty goal, but worth it I think.

Anyone have any experience with zero-balancing? How about ayurvedic practicioners? What about nutritional therapy?

Am I being stupid? Do these things sound ridiculous?


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Interesting Job Review

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

So I had my '6-month' into the year review with my Big Boss 'BB' today. I'm not exactly sure what to say about it. For one thing, it was supposed to be about an hour, it was almost two.

I feel a little better about my potential within the work environment. If the suggestions I made and the thoughts I had are actually looked at reasonably, things may take a good, positive turn. I'm never sure how to handle these things... I want to look good, but I also want to be honest about the problems I see and the issues I think need to get resolved.

I sort of feel like I'm back at the beginning of Freshman year. As much as I think subject matter wise I'm ready to move on; I sort of think that maybe allowing this to be the training ground for me to improve my inter-personal skills and sort of work through all those 'first-job' issues may be worth it.

I could be totally dedicated to getting my masters degree. I really do think I've picked the right program, and if I'm here for an additional 3-4 years, I'm sure that I can complete the degree.

Am I totally in love with what I do now...no.
Am I totally in love with the people I work with....no.
Am I totally in love with Pasadena/LA....yes.
Am I totally in love with my hours...no.
Am I totally in love with the university....maybe.

So, where does that leave me? There are certainly more no's than yes's. Is it a bad idea to decide that you want to work somewhere so you can learn something? Is it bad to decide that I want to be here to get my masters? Is it bad that I really don't like some of my co-workers?

Thoughts?


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October Write-Away contest: things that scare me

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

While I'm slightly afraid of a bunch of random things, you know, bugs, cockroaches, scary noises, etc. my biggest fear is somewhat different. There are, unfortunately, two of them.

I am terrified, down to my soul, that one day my adopted older sister will decide to look for her real parents. Why does this terrify me you ask? I'm not really sure. What could possibly be wrong with my sister discovering the people who gave her life, genetically speaking? Somehow I feel that if my sister were to go searching for her parents, that she'd be giving me away. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. We shared blood when we were very young, sitting on the banks of the stream in our backyard. I've never had a strong relationship with my sister but lately we've been getting closer. It's been very hard, she moved to San Jose, is becoming part of her fiance's family. If she decided to find her birth parents- I don't know what I'd do.

Who am I kidding- she's my sister; I'd help her look, try to be supportive, but inside I am terrified.

The other thing that terrifies me is that I will wander around the earth looking for someone to love me- only to never find anyone. That I will become a cat lady; the miserable old bat who never committed to anyone. I'm only 23! I'm not sure if I'm more terrified that I'm having these thoughts at 23, or that I really might end up alone. This time in my life is supposed to be wonderful, but really, it's stressful. I don't know what I want but with all my friends getting engaged and married, it's hard to remain positive.

These are the 'Things that Scare me' in response to this post by Scribbit.

You are all encouraged to enter Scribbit's contest, but if you're not feeling up to it just give me a taste: What are you scared of?

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Banned Books Week: Free People Read Freely

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I have to start this post by stating that I didn't realize that we really had 'banned books.' But apparently we not only have them, we have enough of them to support a Banned Books Week. I wonder if it is just coincidence that this week falls in part over the National Coming Out week....just wondering...

So, to honor, here is the list of the top 10 books Banned in 2006, and the top 10 most banned books in the country. How many have you read?

Top 10 in 2006:

1. "And Tango Makes Three" by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell, for homosexuality, anti-family, and unsuited to age group;
2. "Gossip Girls" series by Cecily Von Ziegesar for homosexuality, sexual content, drugs, unsuited to age group, and offensive language;
3. "Alice" series by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor for sexual content and offensive language;
4. "The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things" by Carolyn Mackler for sexual content, anti-family, offensive language, and unsuited to age group;
5. "The Bluest Eye" by Toni Morrison for sexual content, offensive language, and unsuited to age group;
6. "Scary Stories" series by Alvin Schwartz for occult/Satanism, unsuited to age group, violence, and insensitivity;
7. "Athletic Shorts" by Chris Crutcher for homosexuality and offensive language;
8. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky for homosexuality, sexually explicit, offensive language, and unsuited to age group;
9. "Beloved" by Toni Morrison for offensive language, sexual content, and unsuited to age group;
10. "The Chocolate War" by Robert Cormier for sexual content, offensive language, and violence.

Unfortunately I'm loosing on this list. I haven't even heard of most of these- looks like I've got some reading to do.

Top 10 Banned Books:

I have to admit that I haven't found only one list. There is one here for 1990-2000, and one here for 2000-2005; but I decided to do out this list together from all the ones I've seen. Unfortunately there might not be anyone person who agrees with me, but here it is:

1. The Great Gatsby
2. The Catcher in the Rye
3. The Grapes of Wrath
4. To Kill a Mockingbird
5. The Color Purple
6. Ulysses
7. Beloved
8. Harry Potter (which is at the top of the 21st century list)
9. The Giver
10. Brave New World

I'm happy to say that I've read almost all of these books. Can anyone loan me Catcher in the Rye or Beloved?

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