Happy Passover

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Happy Passover! Happy Easter! Happy Spring Equinox!

Passover is my absolute favorite holiday. Every where I go people are discussing the difficult cleaning rules, the lack of pizza and the general dislike of our Exodus remeberance event. For me, it's a pure joy.

This year I succeeded in a way I would have never thought possible. I cleaned a house for Passover, feeling reasonably to entirely sure that all the non-allowed Chametz was actually removed. Now, granted, I didn't search my house with a candle and a feather, but that $120 cleaning sure did a great job. I attended two seders, one lasting until almost 1am. I hosted a third, though slightly irrelevant, seder where I introduced this beloved holiday of mine to many new people. I successfully convinced those who live with me that they should avoid not only wheat and flour, but also the requisite corn and corn syrup us wonderful Ashkenasik Jews love so much.

Additionally I managed to make not just one new dish, but 4, each of which turned out quite well. I basted and roasted two entire chickens, and I felt quite good about the whole thing. I did all of that cooking after having attended an Easter Brunch.

I'm not going to say it was perfect, there were certainly enough tears to tell me that, but I am going to say that I think it worked, and that I'm slightly sad it's almost over.


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3 months sure went fast

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Who would believe that just three short months ago I was just starting with UCI. I can't believe how quickly time has flown by, and how much I've learned. I know you learn a lot whenever you start somewhere new, I just can't describe how happy I am to be learning here.

On other notes, I'm trying to plan dates throughout the rest of the school year. Working occasional weekends has meant that I've needed to be extra diligent in trying to plan weekend getaways. I'm happy to report that m@ and I are taking our first little road-trip this month. I'm sure I annoy the hell out of him, but I'm just so excited. Road-trips are one of those things that I think are really fun, and traveling is something I think that M@ and I should really do more of together. It's something we both love, so why not love it together.

Let's see...what else. I've been scrapbooking a lot and reading a lot. I got myself a few great books, and I also got a few for the holidays. I'm looking forward to trying some of the wines in my 100 greatest wines book, and recipes from Miriam's kitchen. I've also invested in a library card so I can keep reading interesting things.

I'm trying really hard to integrate important spiritual readings into part of my Saturdays. I haven't found a temple yet, so I'm going to try to observe the Shabbat with a reading habit. I figure I start with Torah portions and end up with biographies and historical fiction. Anything that teaches me something new, right?

Do you believe in New Year's Resolutions? I can't decide. Part of me totally wants to make some, and then keep them and prove how cool I am. The other part of me realizes that I don't need a New Year to make changes, and that somehow doing them over the new years makes them somewhat more likely for failure. Hmm....



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Another week...sorry

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

So, it's apparently been almost a whole week since I last updated.

Important things:

1. Making choices: I find that I am still not thrilled with all of my choices. Sometimes I make the wrong ones, but for some reason, I start to feel that the ones that I screw up are significantly more tenuous and difficult than the ones I used to make. Frustration.

2. Interactions with people: I still find that I'm not thrilled with all of my interactions. I wonder if I'm letting people treat me inappropriately, or that I'm not everything that I could or should be. Is it their expectations that are wrong, or is it my actions?

3. Vietnam: I bought my ticket. $1800 all in (taxes,etc.) It's more than I wanted to spend, but at the end of the day I'm thrilled. I leave at 1am Thursday morning (aka Wednesday night) and arrive in Hanoi at 10am. I leave from Cambodia at 2pm and arrive at LAX at 9pm. YEAH!

4. Tired of being tired: I want to sleep more. That is all.

5. Passover: I'm so excited about passover dinner. If you're around, reading this, and I didn't invite you- shame on me. Call me, and an invitation is on the way. I really hope that people will start to bring food, not just juice or iced tea...

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Tu B'Shevat

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I forgot. I didn't really celebrate this holiday. I ruined my own goal to celebrate all of the holidays. Then I remembered that I didn't promise to celebrate them the right way. I promised myself to celebrate or acknowledge all of the holidays within the Jewish Calendar.

So here I am, acknowledging the holidays of trees and fruit. I ate a banana and a pear and an orange yesterday. That's something....

Basically it's like a harvest holiday. But on another level, aren't we all like trees in some way? They need air, water and sunshine. We need all three of those things. They grow tall when they can put their roots down deep. So do we. I don't necessarily mean foundation as in parents, or roots, as in a home you own. I think roots refers to a good feeling of knowing yourself. Of knowing who you are, and what makes you tick. The roots of your soul.

So, today, be like the tree. Smile happily at the sunshine...


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One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Yesterday was not a great day. About 12 microphones (AKA every microphone the production department owns) were stolen from the Audio closet. I happened to walk into the closet with my boss to discover the theft.

It pisses me off. I've been here for a year and a half and never even spoken to the police department, except that one time when I lost some jewelry (which they never found). Now there is an entire theft under my name. Damn it! These are the moments then you need kickboxing. I wanted something to kick and punch at that moment.

Then I found out that my boss rejected my, somewhat sneaky, plan to get health insurance in February. Had I known, I would have called in sick and taken my cat to the vet. GRRR!!! So not only does my cat not get to meet with the vet, but I also need to start paying Cobra insurance at a whopping $300 a month until the new insurance kicks in. GRRR!!!

So I decided to try something new. I tried to bake bread from scratch. I don't really understand yeast. It didn't really work all that well. The bread is extremely dense, and doesn't look that Challah like. It's golden brown, but it didn't rise at all....why...? WHY????

There should be happiness here. Let's try to find some:

Friday Love:

I woke up singing this song. It's great to wake up with.
I get to take this weekend and next weekend off. I don't have to work for 13 days in a row!
I had someone to call and complain to. It's a new friendship, but I'm excited.
The sun shines
I got all of my medications
I still ate some challah and honey
My new lip gloss- bright red
Shabbat Shalom...that's great!
Rustin is coming home.

Ah. So, it's not all that bad...

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Christmas Dinner

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

was amazing. I had such a good time. All the people, the warm thoughts. They did this Polish thing, called Powalski (sp). You went up to everyone and did 3 wishes for the new year. It was so cute and sweet. Randy's sister said that she hoped Randy and I would stay friends forever because the rest of her family really likes me. What a nice thing to say to me. I felt so wanted, and loved.

There was happiness and smiles in the air, everywhere.

SO- a merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!


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Family Holidays

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Last night my family got together for Hannukah celebrations. It was actually a really nice time, hanging out, eating dinner, and everyone loved my pie.

I'm always turned inside out by gift giving. I thought that I did really well this year, but at the end of the morning today, I didn't turn out to have done as good as I thought I did. It turned out that my dad was not only disappointed with my gift, he thought he didn't have any use for it whatsoever.

It's not that I'm upset that he didn't like it, I'd rather that if he didn't like it that he told me- but I am upset that I spent so much time trying to figure out what I could give him, and I was totally wrong. Then to add insult to injury he asked me to return it for me. Great....

As for the gifts I got- the new GPS is totally ROCKING! Turn by turn directions, with street names. It's not the same as my Garmin, and probably not as good, but it's sleek and small and I love that.

All in all, a good weekend. I wish that I wasn't to tired to go to the party, and I wish that I knew where he was tonight...but everything can't be perfect....

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Happy Friday- Shabbat Shalom

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Every week I get messages about the candle lighting time in Pasadena from FridayLight. For those of you who don't know, Friday's are the Jewish Shabbath. I love these e-mails because they remind me to light candles, but sometimes they do more than that:

"Before you ignite your flame tonight, take a long look at yourself. Make an accounting before the Master of the Universe. Become aware of your weaknesses: your misdeeds, your self inflicted wounds, and the wounds that you have inflicted upon others. Yes, it is painful. This pain is on account of the state of the external part of your being, your body.

Now, as you will ignite your flame tonight, realize the beauty of your inner spark, your soul. Promise to love yourself on account of this glory, and the chance that you will give it to set your being aflame.

Now you are truly empowered to love, and pray for your beloved ones.

For the flame that will set you free mirrors the flame in another.

This is true love."

I thought this was so beautiful. I don't think you have to be Jewish to appreciate that we all need to take a moment to acknowledge our weaknesses, and then recognize our strengths. So, tonight, especially the ladies, acknowledge your strength. You are beautiful, and I know this to be true.

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A moment's peace- a travelor returned and an adventure had

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

These past few weeks have been the Jewish 'holiday' season. From Rosh Hashanna all the way through Simcha torah is the holiday world of the Jews. everyone in America thinks that Hanukkah is really special, but the reality is that it's only special because Christmas is.

I know I posted before about what some of the holidays are about, but for a quick review:

Rosh Hashanna- start of the new year

Yom Kippur- Day of Atonement, sealing the book of life

Sukkot- Celebrating the harvest

Simchas Torah- commemorating when Moses recieved the torah.

While normally these holidays really pass me by without a thought, or at least much of one, this year I have been overwhelmed with the meaning and beauty these holidays posses... I can't stop thinking about how less than a month ago I was sitting by the Kottel in Israel, praying my heart out and reading a book in the sunshine. how I learned so much, gave so much, and still feel like I am missing so much.

I sat on my couch, tears flowing down my eyes, as I relived some of the hardest moments of my life over these past years. Moments, thoughts, and feelings that I have been keeping inside of myself, trying to forget or get over or let go of. I sat there, with a man who knows me almost better than I know myself, and forced myself, and him, to review those decisions I regret. How when he needed me most I was in my own world, how when I think about some of the things he's done and said I cringe. How his choices have affected my life.

I'm in a weird headspace, and I think it started with my renewed idea of what these holidays mean- how suddenly I care- about G-d, about myself, about Israel, about being Jewish. I've started on a journey when I landed in Israel. I've taken that journey to heart, and am trying my hardest to let it take me somewhere. But am I going about it wrong?

I've embraced some new ideas, some thoughts and some feelings I didn't used to have. Is taking them at face value accepting to much? I want to explore and understand. I want those feelings I felt while standing at that wall- in those places, and with those people. To have what they have- that dedication and innate knowledge of who they are. Not to question what it means to be Jewish, but to have an innate existence.

I miss Israel so much- I feel for those people, their sufferings and triumphs. I fear for their everyday, and I so desperately want it for myself...

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stomach issues, stupid employees and fasting days

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I try really hard to make sure that I'm a healthy person. On Wednesday night I went out of my way to leave campus and buy a healthy meal. I went down Fig. to PASTA ROMA! I've eaten here before, and I've always found their food to be great and taste fantastic. This particular experience, however, was less than wonderful.

Those of you who know me also know that I have a slight gas problem. Okay, stop laughing...it really is sort of slight. I try! I really do! On this Wednesday night however, the problem reached new proportions, keeping me up until 4AM with no sleep and an absolutely horrific stomach ache. I'm no stranger to pain, this was unbelievable.

For these last few days me and my stomach have been at war! Grrr! I will prevail!

While I was sick it seemed that everything that could go wrong at work, did. One of my new PSM's totally screwed the pooch and did a terrible job. I was so excited, and totally thought that he would make it work...no such luck.

But tomorrow is Yom Kippur, and tonight is the start of Shabbat! I'm extremely pleased to be celebrating this year. So excited to head home...except the whole sleeping with my sister bit....

Gmar Hatima Tova, and an Easy Fast tomorrow to all!


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Shabbat Shalom, Good Yom Tov

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Today was a much better day. Now mind you, I didn't do anything particularly wonderful; I just feel okay. My paper is done (at least the first draft) and I'm relatively pleased with it. My desk is reasonably clean...that's nice.

I tried to celebrate Rosh Hashanah at lunch today. During this experience though, I was baffled by the treatment of two brothers with each other. The Rabbi's children were awfully violent with each other. Kicking, screaming, hitting. The older actually HIT the younger on the head with a little metal toy car. And it seemed like NONE of the adults really cared. I watched the Mom make attempts to make things better and dish out punishment, but there WASN'T any.

I do NOT want to be in a household where my husband has to deal out all punishments. I refuse to allow my children to be ruffians. I think it's a matter of starting out well with the first one. I often believe that most childish violence starts at the top and works its way down...

Hmm... mother's any thoughts?


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To many questions, not enough self-esteem

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I'm writing a paper about the use of Facebook on college campuses. How administrators are using facebook to get students in trouble; how employers are using it to research prospective employees...it's all got me thinking...and a little bit nervous.

So, with that in mind, I'm going to complain about emotions, and attempt to make it seem like these problems don't apply to me...

Tonight I went to dinner at my cousin's house. He was supposed to have a few friends, in addition to me, come over for dinner. However, these people didn't show up. He was left feeling annoyed, and friend-less. Expressing these feelings, it seems like there are moments in life when everyone feels friend-less. Like everyone else in the world is out there hanging out with their wonderful friends, and you can only go through facebook to make sure nothing to incriminating can be found...

Eh- who am I kidding. I went to Israel with a bunch of people from the LA area specifically so I could continue to see and interact with these people. I know I've been working a lot; but I haven't SEEN ONE OF THEM! We had a great time in Israel; did I suddenly contract some terrible disease. I want these connections... I'm willing to work for them... I just can't figure out how to keep them alive.

I called old friends tonight, people I haven't talked to in a LONG time. To be honest, I'm not sure which situation is worse.

On a totally other note, I've made a New Year's Resolution. I am going to acknowledge and celebrate in some way every Jewish Holiday. Now, mind you I didn't say I would celebrate properly. In fact, I'm pretty sure I won't. I think acknowledging the holidays is the first step... so, wish me LUCK!

On a second totally random note, I do not understand the 'book of life' versus the 'book of death.' Apparently you get inscribed into a book on Rosh Hashanah, and on Yom Kippur the books are sealed. We chant and sing about how specific G-d defines your death...by water, by fire, by etc... How can he be so specific without removing the free will you have with your life?

Another question for you avid readers... What were your New Year's Resolutions (from any New Year you want), and are you still achieving them?

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