One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me
I can't believe it's been a month. And it's been a tumultuous one at that....
I'm not exactly sure what to say, except that things don't feel right. I don't want anyone getting unnecessarily worried about me, but I can say with certainty that I don't feel right.
I went to the doctor yesterday, and she tried to help me sort through some things. In the end, we determined that I'm not pregnant, I'm not depressed, but I am going through some emotional stuff.
Everyone I talk to wants to blame it all on the upcoming wedding. If it's not the wedding, then it's probably the changing of jobs... maybe the reason is the moving...
I'm just not sure. If you ask me to tell you how I feel about changing jobs, I would honestly tell you that leaving the old one sucks, but so far I'm learning a lot and am excited about the new one. If you asked me if I was blissfully happy, then clearly the answer would be no.. .however, I'm working, and trying to stay busy...
As for the wedding, if I look at it honestly from an event perspective, things are running smoothly. My parents have finally butted out, and there are answers to the biggest questions. I have food and drink, a Rabbi and flowers... I have a pretty dress to get married in...and of course, I still have the man who loves me and wants me.
So- if I mentally think that all of these things are doing fine, why do I cry about 3 times a week?
This, my friends, is the question.
I don't like to admit it, but I think that I am actually really nervous about getting married. I'm not nervous about my love, I'm not nervous about having chosen the most wonderful person I could ever be with... but I'm nervous non-the-less.
I'm not nervous about the logistics, I know that will all work out- in fact I'm still getting compliments about the things I've done and planned so far...
But then, what am I nervous about. I keep wondering about the work, the effort. About how changing me into we, but still keeping the I.
Did that make any sense?
Ramble, ramble, ramble... then cry.
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Thursday, January 14, 2010
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I bought a DRESS!
One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me
That's right folks... it seems like this wedding thing might actually happen. I bought a dress while up in San Jose with my sister. It's gorgeous, and I feel so happy that I found it, and that I love it.
I think I'm going to have a cute little jacket made for me, to give me a 'different look' at the wedding (which is totally in nowadays!).
Other than that I've designed the program, I've finalized the guest list, I've written a 14 page logistics information sheet.
However, no caterer, no photographer, and no florist. Don't even ask me about the DJ or band, because that hasn't happened yet either.
UCLA is still a lot of fun, and I've started to do interviews for perspective CMUers. The holiday party season is definitely starting to get moving, so I'm really excited about that too!
I'm going to try to get back into a format of some sort while here at UCLA. I guess we'll see if that works!
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That's right folks... it seems like this wedding thing might actually happen. I bought a dress while up in San Jose with my sister. It's gorgeous, and I feel so happy that I found it, and that I love it.
I think I'm going to have a cute little jacket made for me, to give me a 'different look' at the wedding (which is totally in nowadays!).
Other than that I've designed the program, I've finalized the guest list, I've written a 14 page logistics information sheet.
However, no caterer, no photographer, and no florist. Don't even ask me about the DJ or band, because that hasn't happened yet either.
UCLA is still a lot of fun, and I've started to do interviews for perspective CMUers. The holiday party season is definitely starting to get moving, so I'm really excited about that too!
I'm going to try to get back into a format of some sort while here at UCLA. I guess we'll see if that works!
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Thursday, November 5, 2009
UCLA and the Wedding
One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me
The title is my life... UCLA and the Wedding. Those are the two things that I'm doing in total... basically trying to schedule one around the other, doing my best in both areas while they both sort of kick my ass.
UCLA is great. So far, I'm really enjoying working there. It's complicated though, because it's a new job and I'm nervous about doing things wrong and not being responsible for the things I need to do. It's a different system then I'm used to. You would think that all of the UC's are the same, but they really are very different.
The Wedding. I don't think my father realizes how much he makes me cry sometimes. It's just sad that I get so upset, but I don't know what to do. He yells at me and my ideas, and it just breaks my heart.
I've arranged meetings with practically everyone, three photographers, two caterers, one florist. I'm working hard to try to make all of these arrangements.
Living with Matt has been wonderful. It's so nice to have someone at home, someone who loves me. Most of the complications are being sorted out, and my favorite moment of the day is in the AM, when he pulls me close and tells me he loves me. waking up at least 20 minutes before he needs to just so I can know his love. That's amazing.
The house is a bit of a wreck, but the kitchen is pretty solidly clean, and that's nice.
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The title is my life... UCLA and the Wedding. Those are the two things that I'm doing in total... basically trying to schedule one around the other, doing my best in both areas while they both sort of kick my ass.
UCLA is great. So far, I'm really enjoying working there. It's complicated though, because it's a new job and I'm nervous about doing things wrong and not being responsible for the things I need to do. It's a different system then I'm used to. You would think that all of the UC's are the same, but they really are very different.
The Wedding. I don't think my father realizes how much he makes me cry sometimes. It's just sad that I get so upset, but I don't know what to do. He yells at me and my ideas, and it just breaks my heart.
I've arranged meetings with practically everyone, three photographers, two caterers, one florist. I'm working hard to try to make all of these arrangements.
Living with Matt has been wonderful. It's so nice to have someone at home, someone who loves me. Most of the complications are being sorted out, and my favorite moment of the day is in the AM, when he pulls me close and tells me he loves me. waking up at least 20 minutes before he needs to just so I can know his love. That's amazing.
The house is a bit of a wreck, but the kitchen is pretty solidly clean, and that's nice.
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Thursday, October 8, 2009
How long it's been...
One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me
I feel a tad bit negligent in my not writing sooner. So much has happened since my last writing. On the one hand, I am finally no longer employed. I left UCI a few days ago, about a week. I am trying to be positive, but I'm actually not just sad, but desperately sad. Almost every day I think about what it is that my boss is doing, how her life is without me. What is happening with my office... I am desperately upset that I'm no longer doing the job I loved, surrounded by the people who have come to mean a lot to me. That those new freshman are starting, and that I won't get the chance to know them.
I have had a few offers, but none of them have felt right. I was so close to taking one, but in the end I just didn't feel good about never having my sundays as days off, though having Friday's off certainly felt nice. It just didn't seem to line up.
My boss keeps thinking that it might be possible for me to get my job part time... I desperately want to stay with them, and I'm not sure what I would do if the opportunity presented itself to go back.
I switched my phone service to Verizon to be with my fiance... I'm quite excited with the text messaging and the new phone I got.
I'm trying to keep up with the running for the 10K with the Mud Run at Pendleton. I've started to be able to run 5 miles in under 55minutes. I'm so excited to be working out so diligently, though I must admit that since I lost my job, I think I've gotten less diligent, despite the additional time I have to put towards it.
So many weddings...so many weddings. I've been to a wedding or a wedding event almost every weekend. It means I haven't played soccer on a Saturday in over a month. Actually, since before I got engaged. It's so complicated...
The wedding plans are coming along. I'm thrilled...
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I feel a tad bit negligent in my not writing sooner. So much has happened since my last writing. On the one hand, I am finally no longer employed. I left UCI a few days ago, about a week. I am trying to be positive, but I'm actually not just sad, but desperately sad. Almost every day I think about what it is that my boss is doing, how her life is without me. What is happening with my office... I am desperately upset that I'm no longer doing the job I loved, surrounded by the people who have come to mean a lot to me. That those new freshman are starting, and that I won't get the chance to know them.
I have had a few offers, but none of them have felt right. I was so close to taking one, but in the end I just didn't feel good about never having my sundays as days off, though having Friday's off certainly felt nice. It just didn't seem to line up.
My boss keeps thinking that it might be possible for me to get my job part time... I desperately want to stay with them, and I'm not sure what I would do if the opportunity presented itself to go back.
I switched my phone service to Verizon to be with my fiance... I'm quite excited with the text messaging and the new phone I got.
I'm trying to keep up with the running for the 10K with the Mud Run at Pendleton. I've started to be able to run 5 miles in under 55minutes. I'm so excited to be working out so diligently, though I must admit that since I lost my job, I think I've gotten less diligent, despite the additional time I have to put towards it.
So many weddings...so many weddings. I've been to a wedding or a wedding event almost every weekend. It means I haven't played soccer on a Saturday in over a month. Actually, since before I got engaged. It's so complicated...
The wedding plans are coming along. I'm thrilled...
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Friday, August 28, 2009
The planning has started
One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me
On Wednesday Matt came down for his usual weekday night with me. We've been doing the Wednesday night thing for about 3 years now, it's sort of our thing. This week he was able to come down before dinner, so we went out to Sonny's in San Clemente. While we were there we took a walk on the pier and really just enjoyed the night. On a whim, we headed over to the Casa to see if we could just swing by.
Luck was in our favor, since the Casa was open that night for an open to the public poetry reading. We wandered about and discussed possible options for our wedding. I didn't remember the place being so small, but we had LOTS of great ideas as to how to make it possible.
Then we headed back home and stopped by Matt's parent's house to pick up some avocados. We sat with them and just chatted about the wedding. I can't tell you how nice it was to just sit in the living room and just start discussing things casually. His mother asked me and Matt what we were thinking about the wedding, really allowing us to have our ideas out on the table.
There are still LOTS of questions with the Casa, and Mom and Dad want Matt and I to go and look at a few other places, but we've chatted about our first possible date! YEAH!
I can't believe that it's August, and that by this time next year I will have been married for a few months.
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On Wednesday Matt came down for his usual weekday night with me. We've been doing the Wednesday night thing for about 3 years now, it's sort of our thing. This week he was able to come down before dinner, so we went out to Sonny's in San Clemente. While we were there we took a walk on the pier and really just enjoyed the night. On a whim, we headed over to the Casa to see if we could just swing by.
Luck was in our favor, since the Casa was open that night for an open to the public poetry reading. We wandered about and discussed possible options for our wedding. I didn't remember the place being so small, but we had LOTS of great ideas as to how to make it possible.
Then we headed back home and stopped by Matt's parent's house to pick up some avocados. We sat with them and just chatted about the wedding. I can't tell you how nice it was to just sit in the living room and just start discussing things casually. His mother asked me and Matt what we were thinking about the wedding, really allowing us to have our ideas out on the table.
There are still LOTS of questions with the Casa, and Mom and Dad want Matt and I to go and look at a few other places, but we've chatted about our first possible date! YEAH!
I can't believe that it's August, and that by this time next year I will have been married for a few months.
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Thursday, August 27, 2009
ENGAGED!
One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me
Hi EVERYONE!
There might still be a few people out there who haven't heard, but I'M ENGAGED! Matthew proposed in the middle of the Kern River while we were tubing down the river on Sunday afternoon.
Yup, in the middle of the river. Matthew had put the ring on his pinkie finger and wore it while we floated down the river. I can't tell you how incredible the view was, and how amazing and shocked I was. I didn't even think that he had purchased it!
This photo was taken about 3 minutes after the proposal, but our lovely friend Chris Ash who was the instigator of the river floating trip.
So, we're planning a wedding. Stay tuned for future updates!
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Hi EVERYONE!
There might still be a few people out there who haven't heard, but I'M ENGAGED! Matthew proposed in the middle of the Kern River while we were tubing down the river on Sunday afternoon.
Yup, in the middle of the river. Matthew had put the ring on his pinkie finger and wore it while we floated down the river. I can't tell you how incredible the view was, and how amazing and shocked I was. I didn't even think that he had purchased it!
This photo was taken about 3 minutes after the proposal, but our lovely friend Chris Ash who was the instigator of the river floating trip.
So, we're planning a wedding. Stay tuned for future updates!
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Tuesday, August 18, 2009
BAKING GALS!
One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me
Hi Everyone!
I would like to make a team for BAKING GALS! It's a group of people who bake home-made baked goods to send to the soldiers abroad. I have the names of two different soldiers, so I'm trying to start with one of them, and hopefully next time we'll do the second.
I need to find at least 4 other people who will bake and mail items with me. The days to MAIL the items is September 5-20th (or so)! You can find out all about it online at bakinggals.com
So, if you would like to bake or send something to my soldier, please let me know either by leaving a comment here or by e-mailing me. Then I'll sign-up as a team leader and put the information on the bakinggals website.
Whether you believe in the war effort, the war or not; it's nice to do something to show we care.
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Hi Everyone!
I would like to make a team for BAKING GALS! It's a group of people who bake home-made baked goods to send to the soldiers abroad. I have the names of two different soldiers, so I'm trying to start with one of them, and hopefully next time we'll do the second.
I need to find at least 4 other people who will bake and mail items with me. The days to MAIL the items is September 5-20th (or so)! You can find out all about it online at bakinggals.com
So, if you would like to bake or send something to my soldier, please let me know either by leaving a comment here or by e-mailing me. Then I'll sign-up as a team leader and put the information on the bakinggals website.
Whether you believe in the war effort, the war or not; it's nice to do something to show we care.
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