Over a month- Again

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I can't believe it's been a month. And it's been a tumultuous one at that....

I'm not exactly sure what to say, except that things don't feel right. I don't want anyone getting unnecessarily worried about me, but I can say with certainty that I don't feel right.

I went to the doctor yesterday, and she tried to help me sort through some things. In the end, we determined that I'm not pregnant, I'm not depressed, but I am going through some emotional stuff.

Everyone I talk to wants to blame it all on the upcoming wedding. If it's not the wedding, then it's probably the changing of jobs... maybe the reason is the moving...

I'm just not sure. If you ask me to tell you how I feel about changing jobs, I would honestly tell you that leaving the old one sucks, but so far I'm learning a lot and am excited about the new one. If you asked me if I was blissfully happy, then clearly the answer would be no.. .however, I'm working, and trying to stay busy...

As for the wedding, if I look at it honestly from an event perspective, things are running smoothly. My parents have finally butted out, and there are answers to the biggest questions. I have food and drink, a Rabbi and flowers... I have a pretty dress to get married in...and of course, I still have the man who loves me and wants me.

So- if I mentally think that all of these things are doing fine, why do I cry about 3 times a week?

This, my friends, is the question.

I don't like to admit it, but I think that I am actually really nervous about getting married. I'm not nervous about my love, I'm not nervous about having chosen the most wonderful person I could ever be with... but I'm nervous non-the-less.

I'm not nervous about the logistics, I know that will all work out- in fact I'm still getting compliments about the things I've done and planned so far...

But then, what am I nervous about. I keep wondering about the work, the effort. About how changing me into we, but still keeping the I.

Did that make any sense?

Ramble, ramble, ramble... then cry.


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