I got offered a job. A job I thought that I wanted, but now that the offer is FINALLY on the table I'm nervous and don't know what to do. Don't get me wrong, I want to move; but is this the offer to do it on? I have a good thing here, as much as I might complain, no one's breathing down my neck...no one's forcing their ideas on me...it's just easy and it pays well.
I'm anxious. I want to move on with my life. Another one of my friends just got engaged. I'm jealous. I want to have the happiness that comes from a solid relationship in my life. I want to be surrounded by the love from another person. Don't I deserve that? When will I find it?
Why am I SO ANGRY at the fact that my opportunity to be with someone I had been waiting for was taken away. I hate a dead person. There...I said it. I HATE YOU! I hate you for dying, for ruining my happiness. For taking what was good in my life, what was supposed to work out, and making it shitty. For taking the hope, the love, the excitement out of someone I care about. I WANT YOU TO FIX IT! Be like jesus, come back and tell him it's going to be okay.
I want to move on...but I want him to move on with me. I promised myself that I wasn't going to care anymore. But I do.
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First off, congratulations on the job offer. Even if you don't take it, at least you now have the choice.
I think if I were you, I'd probably take the job and move. If you want your life to move forward, and you're not moving forward where you are, maybe moving your location will let you start moving your life. Maybe taking a step back will get you going forward again.
Of course, if it were me, I'd also never stop wondering what would have happened if I'd stayed. :-(
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