One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me
It's amazing to me how much I struggle for balance in my life. Yes, I might be a libra, but I never thought that image of a woman holding scales would apply to me... it seems, however, that the more I struggle for balance the more I take on and the less balanced I become.
I try to excercise and achieve balance in my diet and my life. Then I end up going to the gym two times a week, missing phone calls and important dinners and feeling extremely sore.
I try to make new friends by attending events, joining organizations and participating. Then I'm so busy participating that when one of my new friends wants to do something I'm to busy.
I try to work hard and ensure that I'm an important part of the team. Then I end up working long hours and tired; to tired to volunteer to come in on the saturday when they need me.
I try to be in love, and acknowledge that my boyfriend isn't perfect. Then he goes out of his way to go to something with me, only to not enjoy it and we end up slightly unhappy and tired.
I try to do the dishes, keep a clean room and home for my mother. Then because I'm so busy and I can't make dinner I get yelled at- forget that I was the one who cleaned the kitchen from dinner the last four nights.
I try to be a good maid-of-honor, struggling to make plans that everyone can attend. Then when I finally get to finishing it all off I find out that I'm not trying hard enough, and that my thoughts are totally irrelevant.
I try to be a spritual person, with a Jewish note in my life. Then when I try to honor the fast I miss lunch with friend; when I want to say prayers in the morning shower my boyfriend thinks I'm weird.
The best laid plans of mice and men.
Men plan, G-d laughs.
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I think complexity is the natural adult human condition. To the extent that we get any training at all in how to deal with it, we get it in college; but even there it is overshadowed by the knowledge that in a short time (next semester, next year) what we're doing will be completely altered.
I have always found it easier to pray at night, looking up at the sky; how can you look at the stars and the moon and not believe in some divine power?
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