What a FUN time!

I couldn't have imagined a better use of five days of my week vacation. I just got back from my religious ski trip, and it was fabulous. It wasn't exactly what I expected it to be; honestly I expected something quite different. But what I got, what I got was fabulous!

I made some very good new friends. I loved meeting and being with these girls. Hopefully I will see them again, sometime soon. More importantly I hope that I will keep them in my heart and in my consious existence of friends. People whose lives I follow and am a part of.

Some things I learned: I can make my religion what I want it to be. That's not to say that I can change rules, ideas or stories, but more the idea that I can be Jewish, be happy, and be constantly striving to do more Mitzvot. Just because I don't do them right now dosen't mean that I won't, and dosen't mean that I have to.

Second thing...light, love and fire. The concept that my love is like fire, and G-d is like fire. Just because I give away some love, dosen't mean my fire grows smaller. As long as I continue to feed my fire, my soul, my heart I will always have love to give away.

I learned so much more; so much to ponder. I went out to dinner with an old semi-jewish friend, and we both considered how our lives are limitless possibilities. there aren't any closed doors; and there probably never will be. And to be honest; that's scary.

I had another conversation with Matt yesterday. Talking and discussing more about what would happen if I 'WAS'. Right now I'm still going with the idea that I'm not. I also really like this concept that my words give power to things, so we're not voicing the idea out loud. It was a long conversation; while it was intense, it was also interesting and amiable. He's not doing well right now, and not treating me well. It's am interesting situation...who knows what will happen in the next few days or in the long-term of our lives.

I'm terrified of the possibilities of my life. There are SO many open doors. I'm terrified that I won't pick the right one, and equally terrified that I will just stay here behind the door that I've opened even though I hate this door. To be 12 again...