The rock on my ground

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I think it's often easy to forget which was is up. As much as I know that life will continue to turn, both in the sense that world rotates and that time doesn't stop for anyone, I can't help but get caught up in the sentiments of the moment. In the tragedies, the comedies; the strengths and the weaknesses.

I remember the first time I realized that all the moments in the moment will never translate to my feelings in later life. Freshman year of college I remember coming back to my high school and realizing that although I might try, I cannot recall all the reasons for the angst. I can recall some specific instances to this day, but much of those memories are blurs. Scattered moments around circular feelings of contentness. Maybe not even content, but certainly moments-gone-bye.

I realize to that there are some moments in my life, some overwhelming occurrences that I will never be able to translate to moments-gone-bye. The death of my beloved grandfather, and the tragic loss that he was to my life. The memories of my friend Devin, who shot himself in the head on a dune in New Mexico. The call made to Austria in the wee hours of the morning after having a disastrous experience in bed. The first snow angel I made in the middle of the road of Pittsburgh, as the sun began to shine through the bleak clouds. The singular terrible date I went on with the now deceased Dave, and the fact that I was introduced to his widow 6 times at his funeral. The accidental sex, the Beach Boys, and the look in his eyes letting me know it would be okay. The first time I laughed while having sex in bed. The moment I took at college graduation, attending the Baccalaureate in the early morning- sneaking out of my own apartment in fear of being followed by my sister or aunt.

I wonder which of the myriad of moments I've been having recently I will remember forever. Those moments where the message and the emotions and the feelings will be crystal clear forever and always....


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