A moment's peace- a travelor returned and an adventure had

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

These past few weeks have been the Jewish 'holiday' season. From Rosh Hashanna all the way through Simcha torah is the holiday world of the Jews. everyone in America thinks that Hanukkah is really special, but the reality is that it's only special because Christmas is.

I know I posted before about what some of the holidays are about, but for a quick review:

Rosh Hashanna- start of the new year

Yom Kippur- Day of Atonement, sealing the book of life

Sukkot- Celebrating the harvest

Simchas Torah- commemorating when Moses recieved the torah.

While normally these holidays really pass me by without a thought, or at least much of one, this year I have been overwhelmed with the meaning and beauty these holidays posses... I can't stop thinking about how less than a month ago I was sitting by the Kottel in Israel, praying my heart out and reading a book in the sunshine. how I learned so much, gave so much, and still feel like I am missing so much.

I sat on my couch, tears flowing down my eyes, as I relived some of the hardest moments of my life over these past years. Moments, thoughts, and feelings that I have been keeping inside of myself, trying to forget or get over or let go of. I sat there, with a man who knows me almost better than I know myself, and forced myself, and him, to review those decisions I regret. How when he needed me most I was in my own world, how when I think about some of the things he's done and said I cringe. How his choices have affected my life.

I'm in a weird headspace, and I think it started with my renewed idea of what these holidays mean- how suddenly I care- about G-d, about myself, about Israel, about being Jewish. I've started on a journey when I landed in Israel. I've taken that journey to heart, and am trying my hardest to let it take me somewhere. But am I going about it wrong?

I've embraced some new ideas, some thoughts and some feelings I didn't used to have. Is taking them at face value accepting to much? I want to explore and understand. I want those feelings I felt while standing at that wall- in those places, and with those people. To have what they have- that dedication and innate knowledge of who they are. Not to question what it means to be Jewish, but to have an innate existence.

I miss Israel so much- I feel for those people, their sufferings and triumphs. I fear for their everyday, and I so desperately want it for myself...

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Obsessions...

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I might be a little OCD....is only eating M&Ms in color order (red, orange, yellow, etc.) a weird OCD thing?

How about baking cupcakes obsessively....I don't make cakes or brownies, and I only do cupcakes from scratch?

I always make my bed, and I can't stand it when there are clothes on my floor for more than a day.

I like a clean desk, a clean floor and a clean kitchen.

I also watch some TV shows obsessively: Grey's, Eureka, Top Chef....

Do these things make me OCD? What are some of your, perhaps, OCD things?


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92 times and counting

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Today I have burped 92 times, and I'm still going. I wonder how many times I will burp just while I am writing this blog post. Any guesses? It's worth 10 points!

If I were one of the funny, witty female writers that I admire so much i would be able to take this already amusing tale and spin it into a best selling novel. Are women born with this funny writing gene... how do I get it? can I take a class? can I study something or read something?

Here's my attempt at a funny account of my day:

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I woke up this morning, jolted awake at exactly 10 am by two thoughts: one, why hasn't my roommate, who can't move my shift car woken me up to get the car out of her way- G-d I hope she hasn't used her car to push mine out of the way again; two, a loud, ear-ringing, and terrible tasting, burp. What a brilliant moment. I think the gardeners must have heard me through the open window; I can only guess what they started yelling at each other and laughing about in Spanish....

I have decided that I can't live with this problem. If the doctor wants to laugh at me, I'll bring proof of my burping habits. I got out of bed, and while trying to scrounge for a notebook to record the number of burps I burped at least 10 more times. I lost count, it was definitely more fingers than I had available....

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Okay- I tried.... did you laugh? Be honest, I need feedback here people! Perhaps I'm trying to hard.

Of course, the moral of the story is that everyone gives me weird looks and I can't make it through a conversation with someone without burping. Today a football player gave me a dirty look. That's right, a FOOTBALL player. I've decided he was jealous!

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Going under the knife- sort of

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

It turns out that the 'slight' burping problem I have is actually quite serious. It's called aerophalcia (sp?) and it means that I'm ingesting air to much.

No one seems to have a good idea for how it might be that I'm ingesting to much air. I don't drink soda, I don't chew gum all the time, and I don't eat to many gassy foods.... any other ideas?

They want to put me out and stick a camera down my throat to see if I'm okay. Sounds pretty- dosen't it?

What tyoes of crazy surgeries have you had?


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stomach issues, stupid employees and fasting days

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I try really hard to make sure that I'm a healthy person. On Wednesday night I went out of my way to leave campus and buy a healthy meal. I went down Fig. to PASTA ROMA! I've eaten here before, and I've always found their food to be great and taste fantastic. This particular experience, however, was less than wonderful.

Those of you who know me also know that I have a slight gas problem. Okay, stop laughing...it really is sort of slight. I try! I really do! On this Wednesday night however, the problem reached new proportions, keeping me up until 4AM with no sleep and an absolutely horrific stomach ache. I'm no stranger to pain, this was unbelievable.

For these last few days me and my stomach have been at war! Grrr! I will prevail!

While I was sick it seemed that everything that could go wrong at work, did. One of my new PSM's totally screwed the pooch and did a terrible job. I was so excited, and totally thought that he would make it work...no such luck.

But tomorrow is Yom Kippur, and tonight is the start of Shabbat! I'm extremely pleased to be celebrating this year. So excited to head home...except the whole sleeping with my sister bit....

Gmar Hatima Tova, and an Easy Fast tomorrow to all!


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Tips for Posting Online

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I have been writing a paper about how posting things on Facebook or other social-networking sites has caused administrators of colleges to review their policies and created an interesting ethical and legal debate. I won't go into to many details (unless you ask) but I will say that I think it's critical that universities own up to the responsibility to teach students how posting to these sites can negatively affect their lives.

So, in response to the paper I wrote, here are some suggestions to keep your internet persona safe:

1. NEVER post personal information such as address, phone, etc. You may think that only your friends can see it, but often their 'friends' can too. It's to risky!

2. Delete profiles from places you don't go. Remember when you checked out PerferctMatch and OKCupid when you broke up last...? Call these places or go on their sites are Remove your profiles. It's to easy to stalk people. Especially if you put up a picture!

3. Don't post with to much detail. Avoid using names of other people without their knowledge or permission. Don't use a name of a co-worker, especially when commenting negatively.

4. Google yourself. Find out what is being attributed to you, where your name comes up. Do an image search as well. It's fairly likely NOTHING will come, but just to be safe.

5. Careful with photos. Remember that other people can download the photos you post and save them to their computers. Which means at best they are using your work in something, at worst they are posting it all over the office or sending it to the boss.

6. Be careful with your affiliations. Putting on your profile that you are affiliated with a national organization makes you far more likely to run into trouble. There are hundreds of stories where people working at chain locations (Staples, Home Depot, etc.) have posted about their jobs and the higher ups (really high up) have fired them.

7. Be smart. Once it's written down it's always there. They say 'don't type angry.' Don't POST ANGRY is even MORE important!


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A whole new bed- what a wonderful feeling.

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

In reality, it's not really a whole new bed, but the major decorative elements are new. I bought two new pillows (yes, future guests, I DO have an extra pillow for you!), some new sheets and a cute little pillow sham to make my bed really pretty.

I like shopping in Linens and Things...no LOVE it!

As for work- it was okay. I'm just about to give up and leave. I have a paper to write, and I have my cell phone if the world breaks... besides, I need to eat. My hands are doing that shaking thing again...

AuRevoir, and Shavoa Tov!


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Shabbat Shalom, Good Yom Tov

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Today was a much better day. Now mind you, I didn't do anything particularly wonderful; I just feel okay. My paper is done (at least the first draft) and I'm relatively pleased with it. My desk is reasonably clean...that's nice.

I tried to celebrate Rosh Hashanah at lunch today. During this experience though, I was baffled by the treatment of two brothers with each other. The Rabbi's children were awfully violent with each other. Kicking, screaming, hitting. The older actually HIT the younger on the head with a little metal toy car. And it seemed like NONE of the adults really cared. I watched the Mom make attempts to make things better and dish out punishment, but there WASN'T any.

I do NOT want to be in a household where my husband has to deal out all punishments. I refuse to allow my children to be ruffians. I think it's a matter of starting out well with the first one. I often believe that most childish violence starts at the top and works its way down...

Hmm... mother's any thoughts?


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To many questions, not enough self-esteem

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I'm writing a paper about the use of Facebook on college campuses. How administrators are using facebook to get students in trouble; how employers are using it to research prospective employees...it's all got me thinking...and a little bit nervous.

So, with that in mind, I'm going to complain about emotions, and attempt to make it seem like these problems don't apply to me...

Tonight I went to dinner at my cousin's house. He was supposed to have a few friends, in addition to me, come over for dinner. However, these people didn't show up. He was left feeling annoyed, and friend-less. Expressing these feelings, it seems like there are moments in life when everyone feels friend-less. Like everyone else in the world is out there hanging out with their wonderful friends, and you can only go through facebook to make sure nothing to incriminating can be found...

Eh- who am I kidding. I went to Israel with a bunch of people from the LA area specifically so I could continue to see and interact with these people. I know I've been working a lot; but I haven't SEEN ONE OF THEM! We had a great time in Israel; did I suddenly contract some terrible disease. I want these connections... I'm willing to work for them... I just can't figure out how to keep them alive.

I called old friends tonight, people I haven't talked to in a LONG time. To be honest, I'm not sure which situation is worse.

On a totally other note, I've made a New Year's Resolution. I am going to acknowledge and celebrate in some way every Jewish Holiday. Now, mind you I didn't say I would celebrate properly. In fact, I'm pretty sure I won't. I think acknowledging the holidays is the first step... so, wish me LUCK!

On a second totally random note, I do not understand the 'book of life' versus the 'book of death.' Apparently you get inscribed into a book on Rosh Hashanah, and on Yom Kippur the books are sealed. We chant and sing about how specific G-d defines your death...by water, by fire, by etc... How can he be so specific without removing the free will you have with your life?

Another question for you avid readers... What were your New Year's Resolutions (from any New Year you want), and are you still achieving them?

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Apple and Honey blessings for a new year...

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I wish to infuse my life, and my blog, with the happiness that life can and should be. I have to remember that I control my own existence; the decision is MINE how I react to a certain situation.

All to often I get bogged down in unhappiness. So today I will take a page from Meg Fowler- a Things I LOVE list:

eating apples and honey
eating honey straight, especially with spoon to lick
Jewish Holidays- yes even Yom Kippur.
Being able to CELEBRATE jewish holidays
Real letters, and letter openers
sun streaks in the morning
my bed- all the time.
Eggs, Onions and Mushrooms. Dad- I love you!
The smile on my dad's face with I walk in the door at home.
That moment when i'm naked and I feel absouletly beautiful.
Cupcakes


I hope that my list might inspire your own... I'm curious, what are THREE THINGS that you love?


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Totally screwed myself

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Don't you hate those moments when you have the opportunity to do something, and you decide that you shouldn't because you should really be doing something else... only to realize later, before the event happens, that you are A TOTALLY STUPID PERSON!

I could have been at a baseball game... GRRR...

Today was okay until I had my weekly grapple with someone else who works here. I just get so frustrated...today I actually almost cried. They are SO ANNOYING, and they should STOP TOUCHING ME! Grrr... and stop referring to the person who USED to work here and dosen't anymore. Just because something worked for them, dosen't mean it works for me.

It's okay- it's the NEW YEAR! Eat some honey and be happy!

SHANA TOVA!


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Harrasment Video- showing me interesting ways to get fired from work...

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

At my place of employment I had to undergo an online harassment training course. As many people have said to me "know I know how to harass people." My take on it is "Now I know some interesting ways to get fired."

Apparently if I started writing on this blog things about a 'protected characteristic' of a co-worker, I could get fired. Even if I never sign on to my blog at work; mention it at work; or show it to ANY of my colleagues. I'm not really sure how someone could find it then, but if they did, I could get fired.

WOW! Talk about infringement on my freedom of speech. If I want to complain about my Jewish co-workers online, I should be able to!

I'm also not allowed to call any of my female co-workers witches. That is a derogatory phrase relating to the protected characteristic of gender. However, if you call all the guys witches and the girls devils, I think you're okay!

It didn't go into what happens if the woman in question admits she's a witch....

Interesting things the Harassment course taught me:

1. Use opposite phrases to insult people.
2. If you can convince everyone else in the office that what you did wouldn't offend a 'reasonable' person, you're in the clear!
3. Repercussions: you can file a harassment claim against someone, and even if it's not proven you can still get them in trouble for repercussions!
4. When in doubt you are supposed to talk to a superior. Even before disciplining one of your own workers.
5. If you date someone in the office, everyone else can claim that they have been negatively affected.
6. In CA, gender preference is a protected characteristic. In LA, AIDS is one, and in San Fran height and weight are. So, in LA I can make fun of your weight, but not in San Fran!

These are just a few of the more interesting things taught to me by the harassment course.

Don't you love mandatory training like this!

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Another long day

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

This day was just as long if not LONGER! I just don't have anything positive to say.

I do, however, want to bitch about just one thing: Pink's song "Dear Mr. President"

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm okay with people writing songs about our country. I prefer them to be positive, but it's cool- freedom of speech and all. I just HATE the part where she says something like:

"Let me tell you about Hard Work..."

Does she even KNOW what she's talking about. i'm not saying making songs isn't hard work- I'm saying she's never made a bed out of a cardboard box like the song says.

So- Pink, GET OVER YOURSELF!

And, if you asked nicely, I think the President might go for a walk with you...


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So tired, when will the work end

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I'm tired, so tired. I'm tired lazy, lousy and lethargic. Did anyone recognize that song? I didn't think so...

today was such a long work day. It's so funny to me that I feel less prepared to do my job and start the year this year than i did when i didn't know anything last year. So funny.

Unfortunately I don't have the gumption to keep writing anything... sorry. maybe tomorrow, but don't hold your breath.

On a totally other note, i hope to have my pictures printed tomorrow! WOOT!


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Tip Tuesday

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

As for Tuesday Tips:

1. Unpack all of your boxes. There is NO REASON to still have a packed box 2 months in. If you do, it's probably because you DON"T need that crap.

2. Don't be afraid to invest. Invest in your new space. Paint if you can, decorate gracefully.

3. Put the furniture in 6 different ways before you commit. Just because it went somewhere in your old place...

4. Think about entertaining. How are 3 people going to fit on a couch really built for two? Never assume that it's just not important.

5. Think about the first things someone will see walking into your new place. What do those things say about you?

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Happy Labor Day! San Jose is actually a really cool town

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I went to go and visit my sister in San Jose this weekend. I also saw MATT G while I was up there, before flying out of the San Fran airport.

I was pleased that I went, but again reminded that my sister and I are totally separate people. We may have had the same parents, but our existences are totally separate. I was happy to have gone up there, but not overly pleased with what I found.

Now, don't get me wrong, they had a great apartment. I guess the disappointment is really that not everyone is born with the 'unpack and decorate quickly' urge. I was a little sad that they hadn't progressed any further in decoration.

I think that she is doing okay. Her classroom looked cute, and although I spent most of my time writing an ANNOYING paper, I felt good being able to see it and visit. It occurs to me right now that my sister has never even seen my office. Why doesn't she come help me out for a day huh...?

She seems at ease with his family. i have to admit that I was just a tad jealous of her asking his brother all these questions about her life and her friends. Where are the questions about my life and friends? A little sad.

This week is crazy. I wish that we had another Labor day on Thursday- because I need a break!


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