BTW: Are you here yet?

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Did you remember where you put the note about my Blogger name? Did you find me? Will you admit that you're here.

If you are, I'm excited. I'm sort of sad that it took you so long, but now that you're here, I hope that you visit often.

If you're not...well....then you're not...


Print Page

Cambodia, Vietnam, Africa...?

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I have plans in place tentatively to head to Cambodia and Vietnam this summer. A very different experience than the now easy looking Israel trip.

Anyone been to Cambodia or Vietnam? Any ideas about how long I should really spend there?

I think that I can only take off about 2-3 weeks of vacation this summer. I really need to be here for the university, and honestly, I don't think I have the funds to spend any longer. Is it worth it to try and do both countries?

Is it a better idea for me to just focus on one place?

I also want to go on an African Safari. How do I have the money to do any of these things you're asking...? Well, honestly, I don't really. But I do plan on doing them. If I don't go now, when will I? I'm thinking about the African safari with my dad or my sister. Any of you interested?


Print Page

Holistic Healing

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I bought this really great book a few months ago. It's called Mind, Body, Spirit. When I first bought it I started reading and was quite interested in the ideas presented. I thought that they were a little far-fetched, and though I considered some of them, I didn't really implement any of them.

I've been having problems with my back, sleeping, and with digestion (read burping). I was feeling particularly annoyed at the state of my health yesterday after trying to arrange for PT for my ankle when I remembered this book.

It goes through lots of alternative, holistic therapies that are designed to provide treatment for a wide-range of illnesses. There are over 80 therapies mentioned, as well as ideas about prayer, eating, and alternative approaches to life such as ayurveda and chinese medicine. The more I read this book and think about it's ideas, the more I want to try it's suggestions.

So, here are some of the commitments I am going to try to make:

1. No more than 8 hours of sleep per night. Right now I'm getting about 10+ and I think that's attributing to my back pain. With this I hope to go to bed a little earlier and rise earlier as well.

2. Eating my lunch/dinner on real dishes. This is going to be a tricky one, but I think I might spend more time relaxed if I try to make this dedication.

3. Cooking from fresh ingredients. This is a very complicated endeavor. I can't imagine that I'm going to be able to get rid of all of my frezzer goods, etc. but I think that maybe I can try to add at least one fresh ingredient to each meal. Perhaps I should get back on my organic food delivery...

4. More fruits and vegetables. Again, I don't think I will achieve it all in one day, but I really should be intaking about 5-7 fruit/veggies a day. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

5. 45 minutes per day of walking. This is meant to put excercise in my life in a real and actual way. In my ideal world I would be getting up a little earlier around 8am and then going to bed a little earlier, around midnight

6. Homeopathic remidies. I have had some experience with these remedies, and I think that they can be really helpful. Included in these are arnica, chamomile, etc.

7. Essential Oils. Again, some experience and everything I have had was great.

8. 10 minutes about 3 times a day of internal reflection. This could be praying, meditation, humming, deep breathing... etc. It's a lofty goal, but worth it I think.

Anyone have any experience with zero-balancing? How about ayurvedic practicioners? What about nutritional therapy?

Am I being stupid? Do these things sound ridiculous?


Print Page

Interesting Job Review

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

So I had my '6-month' into the year review with my Big Boss 'BB' today. I'm not exactly sure what to say about it. For one thing, it was supposed to be about an hour, it was almost two.

I feel a little better about my potential within the work environment. If the suggestions I made and the thoughts I had are actually looked at reasonably, things may take a good, positive turn. I'm never sure how to handle these things... I want to look good, but I also want to be honest about the problems I see and the issues I think need to get resolved.

I sort of feel like I'm back at the beginning of Freshman year. As much as I think subject matter wise I'm ready to move on; I sort of think that maybe allowing this to be the training ground for me to improve my inter-personal skills and sort of work through all those 'first-job' issues may be worth it.

I could be totally dedicated to getting my masters degree. I really do think I've picked the right program, and if I'm here for an additional 3-4 years, I'm sure that I can complete the degree.

Am I totally in love with what I do now...no.
Am I totally in love with the people I work with....no.
Am I totally in love with Pasadena/LA....yes.
Am I totally in love with my hours...no.
Am I totally in love with the university....maybe.

So, where does that leave me? There are certainly more no's than yes's. Is it a bad idea to decide that you want to work somewhere so you can learn something? Is it bad to decide that I want to be here to get my masters? Is it bad that I really don't like some of my co-workers?

Thoughts?


Print Page

Love Thursday

I sent this one into the Bachelor...hehe....





This great group of friends... Amy, Rachel, me and Matt. Thanks for a night FULL of laughter!

what happened! It's almost been a week...sorry internet.

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Wow- a long time no write. Sorry about that folks. This means that this post is probably going to be fairly jumbled. Not jumbled enough for ellipses, but maybe....

I really liked David's post about saving money when you're young. I've been in a funk about the fact that the exact things that you should do when you're young are the most difficult. It's hard to save money when you're 20. (wow, that rhymes). It's also hard to travel with you're young, but it's the only time you have the money to do so. And...though this may be unpopular...it's also much more logical to have children when you're young. You can run and play with them, you have more stamina for late night feedings, but, again, no money. (okay, okay, maybe no love either).

Another rant of mine, which a certain friend got an earful of last night, I don't know enough history. This applies to history in general, but I'm specifically upset at my lack of knowledge of American History. I think these things are important. I want to really know what happened in the Civil war. I also haven't read the bible. Nope, not the old or the new.

Why are people so afraid of being blamed? It doesn't ever seem like I am able to have clear, constructive conversations anymore. Is it something I'm doing, or are people just so obsessed with their own non-wrong-doing-ness that they can't imagine constructive criticism?

Okay- I think that's it for today.

On another note, my family is doing okay. They are using my high school as an evacuation center and a lot of my friends are homeless right now; but we're doing fine. Possibly the RV is gone, but we won't know that until they open up Santiago Canyon road. Thanks for the concern....grrr...

This weekend is a full day of work on Saturday, and then Knotts Scary Farm Sunday night! WOOT!


Print Page

So tired, but so happy!

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Last night was great. Thanks for the calls, the notes, and the dinner. So much laughter, and such a great night.

On a totally other note, people from the past have surfaced this week. These past two weeks I've run into, either literally or figuratively, about 4 people from the past.

There was Jacob Navaro, a guy I knew in high school, who I literally ran into at the Duck's game. He's actually not even living in SoCal anymore, so it was even more random to run into him there.

There was Tephani Dosiek, a girl from 7th grade, who called me on the phone. Still not sure why, since she called while I was going out on a date; but how crazy. We've been playing phone tag all week.

There was, which might be most interesting for this audience, Sarah, the costume designer from CMU my freshman and sophomore year. Funnily enough, we ran into each other at my favorite crepe place in Pasadena. Yup Hallie and Rustin, our crepe place! That was totally nuts. I haven't even thought about her since she left sophomore year.

Each time I saw or met one of these people, I couldn't help but marvel at how much or how little they'd changed, or, most importantly, how much I wanted them to change. All the things I liked or disliked about them, all the reasons why I should, or should not, allow them back into my life.

Have I changed a lot? Have I changed for the better? With my birthday yesterday, I think it's an even more pertinent question...in what ways am I different than I was when I was 7, 13, 16, 20? Am I?

I can't imagine that I could possibly be the same, but have I changed in ways that people perceive to be positive? I thought so much about my relationship with TJ. What it meant to me, what she meant to me, what she did to me, and whether I wanted to add her back to my life. I think she's getting married, and, honestly, I'm jealous.... But has she changed? Would bringing her back into my life lead to a happy female friendship, or back to the misery I remember when I was young?

Do I owe these people, or any people really, the opportunity to have a second chance? Do I really have to- check it out- and see what happens? Am I allowed to decide that I don't care? What does etiquette say, and more importantly, where is the line in the sand?


Print Page

It's my birthday, and I'm happy!

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Print Page

Just be HAPPY you stupid idgit

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

This week has been a crappy one. Not even necessarily because there is so much work going on, because there are SO MANY SHOWS this week, but because I'm just not happy.

I am rude, bitchy, snarky, and just plain hard to deal with. I'm not sure what it is about crossing Jefferson to get to campus that makes my day go from sparkly to shitty.

Can someone just give me a happy pill? And no, chocolate hasn't been working.

I had a dream where I came to Newman hall and all of my staff was dead. It was crazy.

One of my stage managers wrote me a letter of complaint about today- really, I deserved it.

I really want someone to come over and make me a birthday breakfast. I have eggs and oj...any takers?

I can't seem to figure out why a smile and me, just don't get along today.

Sorry for all of the randomness posts. I really don't know what's going on. I think it might just be birthday blues. Which suck, because honestly, who wants to be sad on their birthday?


Print Page

Because the rest of the world seems to go by, but if I stand on my toes, maybe I can see the sun.

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Because it's not sunny, and it refuses to rain

Because I didn't want to write a post today

Because I don't really want to do my job anymore

Because I'm afraid that my parents will forget to call on Friday

Because Iran has decided that the US Army is terrorists

Because I hate nuts in brownies, cookies, sundaes, or really almost anything dessert

Because I ended up with no thoughts, only a subject

Because the USC Senate has aides

Because the every 15 minutes program didn't go everywhere

Because, Because, Because: So, I'm standing on my toes, to try to see the sun.


Print Page

Radom thoughts and ellipses

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Do short people feel short? Especially short men?....I really want people to celebrate my birthday, I need some love and attention....I can't stand it when cars don't stop for ambulances....Can convince someone to give me something to give away on my blog. Would that increase my readership?.....Do people really win contests?....I don't care if we get in fights. I think it's healthy. But I do care that we solve them by walking away and hurting eachothers feelings...I have finally broken free- Thank G-d....What's the best kind of tea? Does it have to be loose leaf?....Why do I lose socks and sunglasses? Is it an "S" thing?....I want my best friends to come back to LA. I miss them....Any cheap flights to New York the first week of November?.....Carnegie Mellon hung up on me twice on Sunday. And they think this will make me donate?.....My boss might not be quitting, I can't decide how I should feel about this....I really love writing papers, contrary to popular belief....Hockey is a really great sport.....I just want to feel the same happiness when I get in my car to go home, as I do when I get in my car to go to work....I take good evenings and good events and make them end poorly. Why do I do this, and how can I stop?.....I love Halloween, I hope you decorated....I just figured out what TANBI meant, yes I'm that good.....

This is cool

So is this

And this one also...

Thanks to WILL for pointing out the missing links!

Print Page

Happy Friday- Shabbat Shalom

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Every week I get messages about the candle lighting time in Pasadena from FridayLight. For those of you who don't know, Friday's are the Jewish Shabbath. I love these e-mails because they remind me to light candles, but sometimes they do more than that:

"Before you ignite your flame tonight, take a long look at yourself. Make an accounting before the Master of the Universe. Become aware of your weaknesses: your misdeeds, your self inflicted wounds, and the wounds that you have inflicted upon others. Yes, it is painful. This pain is on account of the state of the external part of your being, your body.

Now, as you will ignite your flame tonight, realize the beauty of your inner spark, your soul. Promise to love yourself on account of this glory, and the chance that you will give it to set your being aflame.

Now you are truly empowered to love, and pray for your beloved ones.

For the flame that will set you free mirrors the flame in another.

This is true love."

I thought this was so beautiful. I don't think you have to be Jewish to appreciate that we all need to take a moment to acknowledge our weaknesses, and then recognize our strengths. So, tonight, especially the ladies, acknowledge your strength. You are beautiful, and I know this to be true.

Print Page

The tale of the Snoring Homeless

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

Yesterday I had a fun little outpatient procedure done. They made me sleepy and groggy and stuck a camera down my throat to look at my stomach, etc. It was an attempt at figuring out what might be causing my excessive burping.

It went okay, they found nothing, and I was left sleepy, annoyed, and hungry. My dad was kind enough to take me home, and out for dinner, finally leaving me to fend for myself at around 7:30pm.

I moped around the house, finally crawling into bed at around 11:45pm. About 30 minutes into my wonderfully deep sleep I am awoken by the LOUDEST SNORES IN THE WORLD. I am absolutely appalled. my roommate doesn't snore, and certainly not this loudly. I sit up and listen for a moment, finally recognizing that the sound is coming from outside my window. I figure it's just a random loud neighbor and try to role over and get back to bed.

12:15am I am once again awoken, this time by loud crying, wailing, spitting and groaning. Exactly what I need after midnight. I go to the window and yell outside- "it's after midnight! Go to bed! Shut Up! there are other people trying to sleep!" I think this will work, and crawl back into bed.

12:45am The snoring is still going on. It ebbs and flows from loud to annoying to distressing, keeping me awake. I finally freak out and go to the window, trying to identify which building it's coming from. I grab my flashlight and start pointing it at windows when all of a sudden I see it...a man, sleeping on the ground right outside my 3rd story window. Oh my g-d! It's a Homeless man keeping me up!

1:00 am I call 911, to report the homeless man. They get a bit annoyed since it's not a true emergency, but they say they will send someone out.

1:15am I discover that my roommate has also been hearing the noises. I tell her it's a homeless man, and use my flashlight to point him out. I tell her that I've called the cops because I just can't stand it any more.

1:45am I have been sitting awake waiting to hear the police waking up the guy. The snores have turned, once again, into loud, wailing person dying distress calls. Spitting and grunting, yuck! i try to use my flashlight to wake him up- shining it in his eyes. No such luck. I finally realize why women get themselves in stupid situations. They get tired of waiting for the cops to show up!

2:00am I call the non-emergency number. They inform me that an officer cleared the scene almost 30 minutes ago. I say, HELL NO! and give my number for them to call me to help out.

2:06am Since I have the computer out to get the Police number, I decide to write an e-mail to a friend chronicling my hate for homeless men. I'm sure it was a lovely read.

2:09am I get tired of listening to the wailing, and I decide to take matters into my own hands. I get dressed, take my keys, my flashlight and my phone. I check on him one more time, and then decide to wait outside for the cops.

2:19am I get a phone call, telling me the cop is on his way. Thank G-d! I was going to give it 5 more minutes before I walked over to the man to get rid of him.

2:23am Cop shows up. I show him the ally. He refuses my flashlight (his is so much cooler!). I decide to wait by the door to make sure that they get the guy. I become slightly worried that the homeless man will recognize that I'm the reason he's getting moved, and I panic slightly.

2:27am The cop comes out with the guy. I had put on my hood, and had my hands in front of my face to avoid being seen. The second I see him I loudly shut the front door behind me. Back to my wonderful bed!

10:28am I wake up after a fitful sleep, looking outside the window at where the man was last night. He was sleeping on stairs! I mean really, no wonder he was grunting.



I've never really dealt with the homeless before. On some level I feel sad that I had him arrested, but at the same time, damnit(!) I pay good money to live here and he dosen't!

I guess it's my own fault. I was just telling my dad yesterday how much I enjoy living in the city.


Print Page

October Write-Away contest: things that scare me

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

While I'm slightly afraid of a bunch of random things, you know, bugs, cockroaches, scary noises, etc. my biggest fear is somewhat different. There are, unfortunately, two of them.

I am terrified, down to my soul, that one day my adopted older sister will decide to look for her real parents. Why does this terrify me you ask? I'm not really sure. What could possibly be wrong with my sister discovering the people who gave her life, genetically speaking? Somehow I feel that if my sister were to go searching for her parents, that she'd be giving me away. I'm tearing up just thinking about it. We shared blood when we were very young, sitting on the banks of the stream in our backyard. I've never had a strong relationship with my sister but lately we've been getting closer. It's been very hard, she moved to San Jose, is becoming part of her fiance's family. If she decided to find her birth parents- I don't know what I'd do.

Who am I kidding- she's my sister; I'd help her look, try to be supportive, but inside I am terrified.

The other thing that terrifies me is that I will wander around the earth looking for someone to love me- only to never find anyone. That I will become a cat lady; the miserable old bat who never committed to anyone. I'm only 23! I'm not sure if I'm more terrified that I'm having these thoughts at 23, or that I really might end up alone. This time in my life is supposed to be wonderful, but really, it's stressful. I don't know what I want but with all my friends getting engaged and married, it's hard to remain positive.

These are the 'Things that Scare me' in response to this post by Scribbit.

You are all encouraged to enter Scribbit's contest, but if you're not feeling up to it just give me a taste: What are you scared of?

Print Page

To be who I am

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

It's time to be who I am; and all that I am. To this end, I'm inviting more people- specifically- to my blog. I've invited these people into my life, many of them so intimately that they are involved in my deepest moments, why shouldn't I invite them into this world as well.

For those of you who are here for the first time, let me explain my "hesitation."

This is my space. I never want to worry about what I write here. As such, if I write about you, or you think I'm writing about you; understand the reasoning's behind it. It's here that I share my life, my thoughts, and those things that I don't want to share otherwise.

This is my sounding board. I might know what some of my friends will say about my thoughts. I want new ideas, interesting theories, and thoughts.

This is not about you. If I write about you, infer about you, or anger you well- remember, this isn't about you. There must be a reason for ME to write about you.

Okay- with that said, I'm opening up. I hope you enjoy this little piece of my soul...

Print Page

Banned Books Week: Free People Read Freely

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

I have to start this post by stating that I didn't realize that we really had 'banned books.' But apparently we not only have them, we have enough of them to support a Banned Books Week. I wonder if it is just coincidence that this week falls in part over the National Coming Out week....just wondering...

So, to honor, here is the list of the top 10 books Banned in 2006, and the top 10 most banned books in the country. How many have you read?

Top 10 in 2006:

1. "And Tango Makes Three" by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell, for homosexuality, anti-family, and unsuited to age group;
2. "Gossip Girls" series by Cecily Von Ziegesar for homosexuality, sexual content, drugs, unsuited to age group, and offensive language;
3. "Alice" series by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor for sexual content and offensive language;
4. "The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things" by Carolyn Mackler for sexual content, anti-family, offensive language, and unsuited to age group;
5. "The Bluest Eye" by Toni Morrison for sexual content, offensive language, and unsuited to age group;
6. "Scary Stories" series by Alvin Schwartz for occult/Satanism, unsuited to age group, violence, and insensitivity;
7. "Athletic Shorts" by Chris Crutcher for homosexuality and offensive language;
8. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" by Stephen Chbosky for homosexuality, sexually explicit, offensive language, and unsuited to age group;
9. "Beloved" by Toni Morrison for offensive language, sexual content, and unsuited to age group;
10. "The Chocolate War" by Robert Cormier for sexual content, offensive language, and violence.

Unfortunately I'm loosing on this list. I haven't even heard of most of these- looks like I've got some reading to do.

Top 10 Banned Books:

I have to admit that I haven't found only one list. There is one here for 1990-2000, and one here for 2000-2005; but I decided to do out this list together from all the ones I've seen. Unfortunately there might not be anyone person who agrees with me, but here it is:

1. The Great Gatsby
2. The Catcher in the Rye
3. The Grapes of Wrath
4. To Kill a Mockingbird
5. The Color Purple
6. Ulysses
7. Beloved
8. Harry Potter (which is at the top of the 21st century list)
9. The Giver
10. Brave New World

I'm happy to say that I've read almost all of these books. Can anyone loan me Catcher in the Rye or Beloved?

Print Page

Not sure what to take from this

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

So, yesterday I asked everyone who reads my blog to post a comment... I asked a simple question and expected about 10 answers.

Off of the top of my head, these are the people I know read my blog at least occasionally

will
Caitlin
Mike
David B
David H
James
Mary-beth
Ade
Scribbit
Matt

That's at least 10 people I expected to comment yesterday- but I got nothing. Hmmm.... oh well, maybe next year.


Print Page

STOP LURKING!!

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

OKAY! Another post...I learned that today is The Great Mofo Delurk day! So, as others have done, I'm going to ask a simple question, and hope that everyone out there who reads my blog responds:

What was the last meal you cooked?

Print Page

Just about life

One would hope that I add something to the world- be it good, bad, or indifferent- Me

It's been an interesting week. I'm pleased to say that although a lot happened, I think it all went very well.

This weekend was my first dinner party. It was FANTASTIC! We had such a great time; everyone loved the food and the cupcakes, the table looked beautiful.

Monday was okay- mostly cleaning and class. I started working on my parents scrapbook.

Tuesday was work, then Eureka. I wasn't thrilled with the finale- to be perfectly honest.

And here we are on Wednesday. I have a date tonight, a show and Simchas torah (dancing) tomorrow, a play on Friday, Wicked! and soccer on Saturday, and then Sunday is hopefully a little relaxed.

I've decided to try and finish 20 scrapbook pages a week. Along with GRE study, classwork, and my job; we'll see how I do.


Print Page